a question
 

i just wanted to ask, if anyone else looks at like really old scars, i can see the old stuff under the newer stuff, and i have beome slightly obsesed by the older stuff, if that makes sense?

i think i'm kind of like the people in NA who are always chasing the "first high" if that makes sense? i think i am chasing the feeling i got with my "first cut" because i totally idealise my first cuts and i like have this affection for my first few scars, like they are totally the best and i dont think they are ugly i think they are beautiful. my new ones, like anything done after that first period, are ugly as sin though.

Yes, it makes sense.
Do you know why? Any ideas?
Is it as Callie feels? Do you 'idolize' them because you (thought) it was a solution to the pain?
What do you feel when you see them?
Can you explain what you mean by 'obsessed'?
Do you have a therapist/psych/ect you can talk more about this with?
Perhaps simply writing will bring you an answer; i sometimes find i start to write and just let the words come, hell with punctuation, etc. and i find 'reasons'/ thoughts/feelindgs i didn't know of before.
Let us know ok, keep talking, to be honest, you have me intrigued...

romp

Im kinda lost5 on this. >.<

I have scar blindness though. It seems i cant see what other people see. I dont see the same arms that others do. >.>

My SH of choice isn't cutting. My scars just look like the kind of mildly varied colors caused by sun damage you'd expect to see on someone with fair skin. My doc told me to stay out of the sun and I didn't tell her any different.

Im lost but my first scars are totally gone i just have the newer one. I hate the one on my leg because it reminds me alot (it's a word) i think it triggering so i wont say it

well, i have been cutting for years, and under my newer scars i can see the older scars, sometimes only lines to show they were there. for me my scars show what happened to me in the past, and i have spent a while now just looking at them, feeling the indentations with my fingers. i am not proud of them in any way, i don't actually like them....but them just being there....i dunno how to expain. i know i was hurt a lot when i was a kid, but noone can see the hurt, and that is the only way i have of seeing that it did hurt.
i'm not sure that makes any sense, sense is not something i am good at right now..i really do think i am loosing my mind.

I know what you mean I think. I often find myself running my fingers over my scars or remembering what happened to make me do each one, how I did it etc. Sometimes if I'm stressed or triggered I won't realise I'm touching my scars until I stop thinking about stuff for a minute and realise where my hand is.

I can relate, not exactly in the same way, but in the way that I cherish my first scars. To me they show that what happened in the past is real. It's not something I've just, I don't know, made up? No one really knows about my past, but it's as if my scars are a way into it.

It's hard to explain it, but what you're saying does make sense, and you're not alone.

good, i am glad i am not th only one who does this, i thought it was just me, i dunno, i guess sometimes even i need to know i am not alone:/