urges
 

:crying: today I had urges that come what damay they were determind to darken my day why would they not just go away, i was so stupid i was a fool why are urges so totaly cruel i am cow i let them urges win why did they beat me agin everytime i let them win i always tke the easy way out, or if stuff is so tuff or not going so sweet i always cut this is my only way of coping i have no more ways of hoping that this will ever change, ciz without my good friend self harm and si i know that i will never get by, they have been my saftey net for far to long i know i could not cope if they were gone the thing is for me its plain to see is that self harm and si i are the friends that always truly help me to get by, they are always there the friends i turn to in times of hardships and despare i really don't ever want to stop because i f i do i will fall to pieces self harm and SI with out them i would just cry my world would fall apart and i would have to start to allow myself to feel and that would mean me having to real and honest with myself about how i truly fel this must never be done cz it would make me sad and glum, just wish that for once in a while i would not act on the urges they always seem to win they always take over me and engulf me if i dono't act on them they drive me insane just wish that there was another way for me to fight another day.