I want... *also sexual abuse trigs*
 

...to die.

It's all too much and I don't even know how to cope, let alone do it.

I've been hurting myself worse than ever.
you name it, i'll have done it or tried to do it in the last 3 days.

i am dirty. im not clean.
all i am is his dirty whore.



i have re-enrollment for uni tomorrow. i don't know if can be bothered to go. i'll be dead by next year anyway.

I'm so sorry that you went through all this - andi want you to know I understand how you feel about what happened and how you feel about yourself. All i can say is the same everyone says to me - 'It's not your fault - you have done nothing wrong' - I do know that is really hard for that to register. Please take care hun - I am so sorry i am useless right now but i wanted you to know i care.

*huge hugs and loves*

xxx

please, no.
i don't know what to say. i don't have any words today, but i wish i did, because you deserve them.
you are loved by so many.
you DID NOT deserve to have that happen to you.
please go to re-enrollment, try to focus on uni and use it as incentive to keep going, to achieve something for yourself.
xxx

*hugs chels*

Keep on fighting sweety, for you. For the bright, young, intelligent, gorgeous girly that you are!

I can't even imagine to know how that feels chels but know that I am here to talk whenever you want. You did not ask those things to be down to you darling and you certainly don't deserve to suffer for others mistakes. Go to the uni re-enrollment and push through this as best as you can, your future isn't written in stone and you can make what you like of it, you can do so much xx

Hun, I'm sorry that happened to you, no one should have to go through it. It doesn't make it your fault though. Please don't throw your life away because of what some horrible person did to you. You are worth so much more that that *hugs*

i love you chels.
*gentle snuggles*
i have to say this at risk of offending someone but....i can actually say i HATE that repulsive bastard.
but YOU...i love.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

that doesn't make you a whore, it makes him a whore
just because it happened to you doesnt mean you deserve it
please be open and honest and call your docs/psych and tell them everything that you said here, tell them what is going on so they can help you because you deserve help and need help and you CAN get through this and get better
i know a part of you believes that because you are still on here talking and you told us what is going on and asked for support, so you know you need it
now just follow through the rest of the way and ask for the help you need so you can get it
xxxooo

Gives u a squishy. . .things r hard hun, but give uni a chance, new start. try it?

we care.
X

Went to re-enrollment. Still don't know whether I'm going to re-do the year, take a year out, or what.

Have an exam tomorrow. Feel ****. 7 hours sleep in the last 2 nights and I can't sleep now. Have to be up at 6.30. Gay.

I just feel so meh. It's not even a propper emotion. It's not like I don't feel anything at all, it's just everything I do feel is meh.

Make it go away.

Chelsea, I don't really know what to say.
Just know that I think you are amazing and love you to pieces.
I'm only a text away, day or night.
xxxxx

Chelsea, I love you.
I wish I could say something that would make everything awesome.
Please try not to let anything that's happened in your past stop you from having an amazing future.
You WILL create a harmless legal drug, you will!
Again, I love you.
xxx

I can't make it go away, if I could then I would.
What happened to you does not make you wrong or dirty or anything like that, it makes the perpetrator those things but not you.
Well done on re-enrolling. Please keep hoping and try to be safe
xxxx

Im so proud of you for posting finally after all this time. Its not going to make things right overnight. Its going to take patience and time and hard work to get thru this but you are making a start. Its a great start too.

For those that dont know her in RL Chelsea is one of lifes angels. There are very few around. One of the loveliest and definately the kindest person ive ever met. You are one of the most self less-people i know too. Always putting others before yourself. Always trying to help regardless.

Alas in doing so, rather than putting yorself on a par with others you have left yourself way way behind.

Its time for some Chelsea time now. For the first tim in your life its time to put you first. Its time to invest in Chelsea. God damn its a worthwhile investment.

Listen to these people. They arent repulsed or disgusted by you. There are more likely repulsed and disgusted by him.

My advice: Take a year off. Get therapy, get some work and some cash. Get yourself in tip top shape for a years time and show that uni what a healthy Chelsea can do. I think they will be amazed and i think you may amaze yourself too.

You are much loved by many.

I spose if you twist my arm, you can count me as one of those many too.

Matthew xxx

Take care of yourself. Be good to yourself. You are worth it!

Hope you're exam goes well hun, look after yourself

Exam today went really well :) Got another one tomorrow though, which is going to go badly. However, at least I will have passed 1/5...

My advice: Take a year off. Get therapy, get some work and some cash. Get yourself in tip top shape for a years time and show that uni what a healthy Chelsea can do. I think they will be amazed and i think you may amaze yourself too.

I've been thinking about it a lot and this is actually what I want to do. Except for the fact that they're discontinuing my course [Chemistry with Ocean and Earth Science] after this year, as it wasn't popular enough. So to take a year out means sacrificing a course that I love.

However, I have been thinking about switching to Oceanography. Revising for my Oceanography exam was actually really enjoyable (that's the one I did this morning). But I love Chemistry. I love the practicals, I love the staff, I love it when things just click, and I love how you can apply it to absolutely anything, and how it's all around you.

I'm also scared, because the Chemistry department is relatively small. Around 100 people in each year, plus post-grads. Southampton has the world's best Oceanography Centre, which is brilliant, but it also means there's going to be **** loads of people and the care/focus/support I get from the department might be compromised.

I don't know what to do.

& that's not just with uni stuff.

I don't really have any advice as to what you should do next year. What I do know is that you are a truly fantastic, lovely person and I care about you a lot. I'm always here if you ever want to talk about anything.

Take care of you
*cuddles*
xxxxx

The uni will probably keep a place open for you. Many do. Thig happen for a reason and perhaps this chance could lead to a new vocation in life. You love sailing and you could go on those mad Jaque Custeau missions. My mate Carlos did one. You need rich parents but hey, you have rich parent!!!

Ultimately, I just want to help people.

Ideally, through working for a drugs company and finding a brilliant antidepressant that cures everyone after the first time they take it :-p Or helping find a cure for cancer, or HIV, or anything. It sounds stupid, writing it here. As if I could ever do anything that amazing...

Sea floor exploration, finding new resources, stuff like that really interests me too. Finding a way of making sure that all the methane trapped in the sea can't get released once the world reaches a certain temperature. Finding a way of preventing Yellowstone from erupting and causing a Nuclear Winter. Discovering how life originated.

Again, stupid to think I could do something like that.

I want to be someone. Someone who's done something amazing. Someone that the text books will write about in 100 years. I know I probably won't be, but that's my dream.