it's not enough
 

I slipped up and I thought it'd get better again after, because it's usually the way it is. A few months, a slip up and I'm back on track for another 6 months.
but not this time.
I'm feeling awful and my chest hurts, or maybe it's the ball in my stomach.
I've hung out with people, I've studied, I've read, watched tv, done all I could do on my distractions list and I still feel worse than worst.

i don't know why i'm posting this. I don't know why I'm doing anything.

Sweetie, think back to the reasons why you gave up in the first place. think how things have changed since you decided to start the road of recovery.
Slip ups happen, and there is no reason to say that you can't keep on going if you have slip ups. They are almost a part of recovery, so don't put yourself under too much pressure sweetheart.

Have you tried the fun and distractions part of the forum on here?
Or the Arcade part of the site? They are great distractions.
Talking things through on LA could also help to take things through step by step and help lower the urges.

It's great that you are trying to fight the urges honey, just keep that in mind.

Take care of yourself.
Chloe xx

Chloe has said some good things.

Slip ups happen and they are a natural part of recovery, so its nothing you should feel bad or ashamed about, you have to keep trying.

I don't really have anything to add... just remember it's nothing to be ashamed of! You can get through this.

take care

Whatever one else said. I am going through my own slip up now, so I know how you fell. Just remember you can make it through this and learn from it.

Chloe gave some great advice. I know it's difficult but you will beat this, you've made it so far. Never stop fighting!

Do you see a doctor or counsellor for your depression? If you are not already, maybe counselling, therapy, or antidepressants could help bring your moods up.

Take care,

Jess xx

hmmm, I'm okay with slipping up, I slip up every 5-6 months or something and generally it angers me so I quit again or it makes things seem better so I quit again.
and this time it's all blah :(
I think I've spammed the fun and distractions page so much it's a wonder my mouse still accepts to click on it.

I don't think I'm depressed, I just tend to bottle up too much and I'm too sensitive. But no, I'm not seeing anyone and I won't as it would make another family drama.

Thanks everyone

It can cause a lot of internal pressure when you bottle up feelings.

And being sensitive can leave you feeling raw and exposed.

((gentle hug))

Maybe what you need right now is something emotionally expressive, like dancing, drawing, writing. Then your feelings have a safe outlet.

I can't draw to save my life and I don't write anymore because I'm too much of a perfectionist and it's never good enough.
I don't know how to express myself anymore and I feel as if I don't have friends I can confide in anymore.
everyone keeps telling me I need to break my walls but I don't know how and it's hard to become a new person when you don't know how

It doesn't have to be great art to be therapeutic. :)

It might be worth thinking about who you really are trying to be perfect for... do you believe someone won't care about you unless you are 'perfect' [whatever that is...] for example...?

I know it is honey.
I know.
We understand.
What about poems?
I tend to write them when I'm especially down and/or angry and they help.
Remember I'm just a PM away.
xxxxx

no one cares about me, whether I'm perfect or not. except my parental units of course.

and I have three notebooks filled of poems. I just don't write them anymore.

no one at all?

I have many friends I hang out with. we're a very small university so we all know each other, this town is tiny so we all grew up together.
But let's be honest, that's all I have.
studies to feed my workaholism and parties to plaster myself into oblivion.

I care about you.

but you don't know me yet...

It sounds like you want more that escaping through work or partying. You know people, but really you yourself want and need to be known.

and to be cared about

as if.

How might someone show they care about you? What would that be, for you?

I guess just to be there would be a start.
my friends all have their own groups so they periodically remember I exist..

I don't know. this whole matter is starting to sound stupid