Fuck my cutting
 

Wow are they getting deeper. With each row i cut the deeper they get. i'm not worryed about it in fact i'm happy about it. i can see the gap and just want more. before if it was as deep as u can see a 1,2,3mm gap i would have paniced, but not now. it feels good in a messed up way.
I don't think i'm ment to feel this way about it. i think i'm ment to feel what? hate it, feel bad, feel sorry, be mad. well at the mo i'm not. i feel happy about it.
I tried not cutting for 10 days and i made it i didn't cut. Now i don't know whats gone worng. its all................... i don't know. it seems to have just all blown up. i'm losing to battle to control it. i don't know what to do. :crying:

I think a lot of people's self harm does this, like starts with small cuts and gradually the cuts get bigger and you know that had you cut that big/deep before you'd have freaked out.
*hug*
The last cuts I evver did were also the worst I ever did intentionally.
It kinda scared me into stopping.
With self harm, I think everyone at some point or another loses control over it. Or maybe doesn't lose control, just realises that they never had control.
Take care.
Sorry if that didn't make much sense.
PM me if you need someone to talk to.
Love Rhiannon xxxx

I think many people get out of control with there harming-i know i have and do-and at time people are happy that they cut as they feel relief-its not the best way of getting that though but it takes time to adjustand change if you want to

As the others have said, we all get to a point where we lose control over our SI. I've been to the point where I was happy about my cutting. Almost proud of how bad it had gotten. The feeling went away very quickly though for me. It's a coping mechanism for us, and it may not be the best one, but we CAN stop, we can get better. I'm getting better. You can too. Just reach out for help when you're ready. Someone will be there for you.
Take care of yourself.
xx
Laura

You don't want to hate it or be happy about it. Step back from it all and look at it objectively. The day you could do that right and see cutting for what it is, then SI will just look silly and you'll lose interest in it without trying.