I'm going to sound crazy but...
 

I've suffered with OCD in the past, on and off for as long as I can remember. I've never had any help for it and haven't really talked about it with anyone. A few years back I talked to my mum and aunty about it. I had no idea what it was but my aunty explained to me it could be OCD. But every since my mums just laughed at it. She brings it up every so often like I think it's funny. It's really not.

It was better for a long time. But now I'm scared it's coming back again. I've been terrible lately. I have to do every thing, all day long in a routine from what time I wake up in the morning, when I get up from bed, what I do during the day, what I do in the evenings, what I can and can't do through the day and when I go to bed. If any of these things go wrong I get myself worked up into such a state. For example. My sister gave me this little ornament thingy that she used to carry with her as a sort of lucky charm. For... like over a year now I've been convinced that if I touch this little ornament when I want something to get better or something good to happen it will happen. I know it's only coincidence that good things do happen when I touch this ornament but anyway. A few days ago I dropped it and it broke. I've spent the past few days panicking like crazy that something bad's going to happen because of this.

And now I sound really crazy but I've made myself believe in the last few months that if I turn my computer on during the day either my best friend or someone really close to me is going to get seriously hurt, they're going to die or I'm never going to hear from them again. It's mad, I know it is but I can't make it go away, I don't know how. It really is affecting every single thing I do all day every day I'm worrying about what I might be doing that could be making bad things happen. I've tried breaking these silly routines but I can't.

I really should just stop it but I can't. And I'm scared to talk to anyone about it because of the way my mum just laughed it off like it's nothing. I'm starting to hate certain people for not having to go through this, for being able to do things normally. I shouldn't think like this.

Umm... any suggestions?

Hey kelly
Maybe you could speak to your aunty again and tell her its getting worse and she might be able to help you like tell your GP or something.
Sorry im not much help.

amy x

Thats some serious OCD, I have it but mines nowhere near as severe, try finding something new, something that resembles it, maybe you won't remember the difference over time, if it doesn't work than try explaining to your friends and family that you feel something might happen because of it breaking. Maybe your sister has something else thats just as lucky, you know?

i agree,you need to speak to someone about this hun. go to your GP.
its not crazy, its a medical condition that a lot of people suffer from.
try writing down the things you fear will happen if yu do cetain things and then crossing them out when they don't happen?
good luck
*hugs*

I dunno though, feel like I shouldn't let this get to me so much but it is and I can't make it stop. I can't really talk to my aunty, we're not all that close and I know it would just get back to my mum which I don't want. Argh dunno, I really can't see any of the horrible feelings going away no matter what I do. But it really is getting me down, just want to feel normal for a change.

i'd keep a diary of what things panic you, and what things make you calm. keep in a routine to keep you happy. perhaps talk to your aunty again, or a GP? take care and i hope it gets better for you soon, i know what OCD's can do and how they can disrupt your life. xxxx