How do I support her?
 

My best friend has a serious illness (rather not say what it is incase it makes it easier for certain people to find this thread, being paranoid). She's recently been told they might be able to control her symptoms but the treatment's going to be quite scary and might make her illness worse. She's obviously finding it really difficult. She says she doesn't want anyone to make a fuss over her, she wants to carry on as normal. But sometimes it really is hard to not make a fuss. I'm worried about her bottling her feelings up but I don't want to carry on about it because talking about it when she doesn't want to obviously won't help either.

But, anyway. This treatments probably going to be starting this week and she's really scared. I've told her I'm always here when she wants to talk but I won't make her. She knows I'm here. But I feel like I should be doing or saying more not just ignoring it till she comes to me for a chat. We talked about it last night for a while because she was a bit upset but I feel like I've been kinda off with her because I don't want it to seem like I'm saying I know how she feels, I don't and I can't imagine how scary it must be. But I don't want it to seem like I don't give a crap either because I care so much. It's heartbreaking seeing her go through this and not being able to do anything to make it better for her. I really wish I could. So really she just has to wait and see if the treatment works.

And for the last few days she's been feeling... not unwell but not right either. Which makes me worry too. She's never like this, she's always happy and ready to help anyone no matter how she's feeling. I dunno if it's just because she's scared or... I dunno.

How do I help her? Don't want to seem pushy but I really feel like I should be doing something more not just saying I'm here for her when she wants to talk. Feel so selfish for being scared of what's going to happen, it's not me who's going through it.

there isnt much you can do unfortunately. let her come to you, its safer and better otherwise if you "poke" into it...it'll be nasty.

bottling up feelings huh? yeh, know how that is. try bottling it for a good few years and never letting it out....it aint nice and stupid the way people are these days for not listening or being caring

I'm afraid I don't think there is really anything else you can do. The main thing is she know you are there for her. Maybe write her a letter saying you are worried about her and telling her how you feel and that you are scared of what's going to happen. If she is having any doubts about friendship then that will show how much you truly do care.

Otherwise I just suggest carry on being there for her and maybe try to pick her up when she is feeling down etc.

*hugs to both of you*