slipping back
 

im apparently making progress...by seeking help and such. but yes each step forward is 2 steps back.
im self harming more now than i was before the Dr, an since the Dr has set up/ is setting me up with a (specialist/therapist (wasnt realy payin attention at this point)) ive even started having thoughts of suicide this just isnt working for me anymore...

i wish i was even half as strong as most of you but im not. the cuts get deeper the thoughts get stronger and more vivid and i cant cope. i am surrounded by knives and sharpening steels at work and there is no escape.

every where i turn temptation is staring me in the face. i cant cope with anything any more. i would say i want help but im so fearful as to what it could lead to what with each step forward is 2 steps back.

I JUST DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO

I'm probably not the best person to respond. I know exactly what you mean. I thought I was doing ok when i was caught (I was 15 when someone found out, I was three when I started). I had a pattern. After that I went to loads of therapy, was sectioned, and I bought into all of it. Thought I could be saved and all that. And some did help. But it did make me cut more. I think because it made me think more about what was going on. All the bad stuff I dismissed. Lot of self-confidence issues and such, and that always involves questioning. It got better. It wasn't immediate, but it got better. Does that help?

It almost always gets worse before it gets better.

Give it some time before you make any permanent decisions. Suicide is a life altering decision and should be given some time and thought if it's a consideration for you.

huni u just need some support u can get better i no u can hve faith :) love katie xxxx

I did the same thing and felt the same way after I started going to a counselor to talk about my SI. Im sorry I dont know how to help but I wanted you to know that you are not alone.