Feeling totally betrayed.
 

Some of my friends at school figured out that I'm kinda bisexual. They promised not to tell anyone. We barely even talk about it really.

About five minutes ago I found out my friend ( and secretly crush ) told her boyfriend that I'm bi. I lied to him, saying that I don't really blame her, that I'm just fighting off the "back up system" that naturally arises. Which I kinda am. But I really do blame her. She promised that she wouldn't tell. And her boyfriend was under the impression that I "made the announcement". I "announced" it to three people at three different times.

I don't know. I mean, it is her boyfriend and he's nice. He's fine with it and all. But I can't help feeling betrayed. And I've been betrayed before. I thought I could trust her. But when my trust gets broken like this, it takes a long time for it to build up again. . . .

Am I wrong for feeling betrayed by her? I mean, you shouldn't keep secrets from your boyfriend/girlfriend. . . . Or is that just me rationalizing?

Help?

Heya,
Am really, really sorry that you've had to endure this!

Let us know how you get on with it!

Craig

no i don't think you are wrong for feeling betrayed. she told her boyfriend your secret. i know we shouldn't keep secret from our boyfriends, but she told your secret and not hers, you know what i mean?

It's ok to feel let down that she broke your trust, but I had a good think about it, and I'm afraid I'd tell my boyfriend. In fact I tell him everything. And I know my friends tell their partners everything. We are all in long, long term relationships though, ie we're all engaged/living with our other halves. If she's really serious about the guy then they will share everything. It's part of the bonding process. But if it's just a flash in the pan, I'd be sooo peeved. You should talk to her and explain that you get why she told him, but that you want to ensure that he fully understands that this is a private matter and that he MUST treat it as such. Good luck hun xxx

I can completely understand why you feel betrayed and this is a perfectly rational emotion to feel in this situation.

However, did you make it clear to your friend that you didn't want her to talk about it to anyone else? I'm in a serious relationship and i tell her everything unless the person has said that it is in confidence or given the impression that they don't want other people to know. In a way, it's quite a big secret to be keeping for someone, so maybe she just needed to talk about it?

Could you talk to your friend and tell her that you feel upset that she told her boyfriend without asking you if that would be ok first? It could have ben that she genuinely didn't understand that you wanted it kept quiet.

Off topic slightly, but i'm also bisexual and i didnt want anyone to know for so long but when people started to find out, they really didn't mind. And to be honest, if someone has a problem with it, then they probably aren't worth being friends with anyway.

Good luck with everything hun *hugs*
xxxx

I thought I had made it pretty clear. I told her and the other people that figured it out "Please don't tell anyone. And I mean anyone. It's still a secret." And as for the not wanting people to find out, I live in a REALLY conservative area and go to a really coservative school. There was a gay guy that graduated last year. I knew of him, but didn't know him. EVERYONE knew of him and most of the school picked on him or teased him. That's the only reason that I'm trying to keep it a secret. I'm building up my confidence by telling just a few people at a time, people I know won't care if I'm bi, straight, or flat out lesbian.

And I had a talk with her boyfriend, and he understands that it's private. He kinda feels bad for knowing at all, because he knows it's supposed to be secret.

For the most part, it doesn't bother me that she told her boyfriend. It just bothers me that she told. If she had asked if she could tell her boyfriend, I'd have no problem with it. I have to see her in about two hours. We're both involved in a math competition. I just don't know how I should act, whether her boyfriend told her what happened or not. And I don't know if I can fight off my automatic "flee" response. Because I do feel betrayed, which makes me feel, to some extent, threatened, thus I will end up avoiding her. Though yesterday we were both excited about being able to see each other again today. . . .

Sorry, rambling. Thanks for the support, advice, etc, everyone!