hated
 

i'm having problems, i can't relate to anyone, i don't know who i am, i just drink and drink to stop my pain, but it doesn't work, my next idea is more final. i'm sick of pissing of my friends, but i keep doing it, i just don't know where i am anymore

hey, sorry you're in such a bad place at the moment. could you explain more about the cause of these problems with alcohol and then your friends? discussing it (with people on here or a professional,whatever) may really benefit you.
i know it is hard to think, but most likely you think much worse of yourself than anyone else, we are all hardest on ourselves, because we are almost too aware of our own faults. pm me if you ever need to talk. anne x

Could you ask your friends for help, or to support you while you find help? Drinking does not help, i know from experience. You might see how a therapist or counselor. If you look up alcoholics anonymous on line they have some questions you can answer for yourself so you can decide if you are alcoholic.