Thank you to all
 

Dear all,
Thank you for your continuing support throughout my hard times. I know I'm a monster raving loony schizo, but that makes your help and support even more precious to me. My mind is razed and shattered atm, but when I log onto this site, I feel like I'm part of a community, like I'm nearer to those that care.
Thank you all,
Steel Maiden

Im glad you find this site helps :)
x

I don't see that you're not a monster, raving, or loony. You have very real and valid feelings that sometimes are hard to control and run away with themselves. Self-protection can be like that.
We're always here for you, and I'm glad you find some of the support and connection that you need here.

You're not a monster raving loony, but i know it can feel like that when things get so chaotic.
I'm glad this helps, it helps me too.
Take care xxxx

Whoever started this site is amazing.
Dark Light, are you in hospital right now? How are you doing?
The voices keep telling me that Saturday will happen again. I'm scared.

this may have been mentioned before, and i hope u dont mine me asking but, saturday will happen again? what is that?

Sorry. See http://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum...0&postcount=30 that is the main bit about what happened. It still hurts me.

*BIG HUGS* :)
Am glad you are feeling better, we are always here for you!
xxx

I don't think that at all.
xxxxxx

Wow, you are all so supportive. It makes a big difference to what my parents and real life "friends" are doing.
Thank you.

I feel like I am going to...agh, I'm being told to do something that's going to be very difficult.

Hi hon
Yeah i'm in hospital atm, i'm.... ok.
If you are having these feelings that its gonna happen again can you speak to the HTT. Tell them about the voices?
pm me if you need to talk
Take care xxxxx

I don't think the HTT are any help at all. I'm not sure how anyone can help me tbh except give me meds.
How comes you're in hospital, are you ok? Well obviously not ok, so how are you? How is hospital?

But could the HTT not sort meds out for you?
Hospital is a bit crappy as i'm not allowed of the ward, but i feel safer here and at least they can give me meds when voices/flashbacky crap happens. And on the whole the staff are lovely so i guess i'm lucky in that respect.
Would you not consider hospital while things are like this? If you went voluntary it wouldn't have to be for long. It just seems like you are struggling so much.
How are things today? xxx

I've had a meds raise from 10mg olanzapine to 15mg. My mind is going at **** miles an hour and even when I read a book my eyes go really fast across the page.
The devil accompanied me on the bus back home today. Going out to Wimbledon was frightening.

Hospital is crappy in some ways, but helps in other ways, I agree, well, with the exception of Seacole Ward, which provides no help at all, and the staff's favourite past time there is bitching about the patients.
Seacole Ward is the only ward I can go to because Morden and Wimbledon CMHT "have" that ward. I would go to Aquarius Ward, but that would require me to lose a year in age and be 17 again. I can't purchase negative age anywhere.
I'm ****ing scared and confused. My mind is racing. My legs are shaking.

I understand that, the ward upstairs is for the north of the borough and i've been on there and hated it, it did me no good at all. Luckily i'm in a different catchment area now and the ward i'm on is much better.
It is a shame you can't go back in time, but that obviously out of the question so, would you consider staying on that ward very short term just until things have calmed a little. Let the meds have a chance to work, they should help slow things down but it did take a while with me.
Even if its awful, it will be safe, and you can tell the staff about the devil and thay may be able to give you additional meds short term to help.
I think you're dealing with really well, you just need to stay ahead of what going on to stay safe xxx

It is sad how the quality of ward one ends up in depends on the catchment area. I should move house just to get a better ward lol.
The HTT said I'm taking far too long to get better. They said I should be alright by now. I have stayed for a day on Seacole before, and it was horrible. I was restrained once in that day, and they managed it really badly. I tend to get restrained in hospital because I tend to let myself loose when I'm not at home.
I feel like I want to be drugged out for a few days and then wake up and everything's ok.
My brain is killing me.
I have this bad feeling that the HTT appointment will be fruitless.

It would be better to go in volutarily , maybe they would give you some drugs to quiet everything while the olanzapine has a chance to kick in Things can't really go on like this can they? I had to come on a section in the end but they are giving me stuff to help things quieten down a bit. Could you explain to the HTT that you need some extra meds in the short term?
I just don't want you to end up being sectioned honey

The HTT came, I told them about 75% of things and I told them about the urges to kill. They told me to think about the consequences.
Ok so I think about the consequences. And then I still get images in my head of what I would do.
They're going to talk to the consultant though.
I don't know what I got out of this.

I need to sit in a darkened room and think for a while.

well done on telling them 75% of stuff, if you are getting urges to kill hun maybe you should go into hospital for a while. I know you don't like the seacole unit but surely it would be better than ending up in prison or a unit permanently?

The thing is, is that the HTT think I'm ok to be at home. Well the devil's cracked my head. I'm out.

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