my brain is falling in again!
 

For the most part I haven't SI'd that much in the past year, but only because I've been substituting it with binging and purging (or just purging). But now, cutting myself is all I can think about. I'm starting to eat more which scares me and causes me to have panic attacks even more than because I'm already fat, and I don't think I could stand to go up a dress size.

And, because I'm panic I want to cut myself ten times more than what I have in the past year. It's getting to a point where when I go to sleep that's all I can think about- gaping wounds that open up but don't bleed but are so pretty in a morbid kind of way. I continuously feel sick, and unfortunately continuously come here because I don't have anywhere else to go. I don't want to talk to psychiatrist because it feels like he's just placating me, but silently saying that everything I say is a lie, ponly nicer than my parents have over the years.

I need some matches,it never leaves a mess.

honey please stay safe
i think that you should think about telling your doc how you feel
and if you arent getting anything out of it be honest and tell him because you deserve some effective help
xxxooo

I know you dont want to talk but i think its the only way! TELL the psych you feel he/she is just placating you! Hell i told mine the other week that she was being too cliched and you know what it worked!!! She admitted that she was!!

You are smart Sade! You can do this!

Matthew x

Almost a year is incredible. You might be coming to the point where the physical acts of purging aren't getting the same effect though and that is why you're feeling so bad. Just know there are other ways of dealing other then this. I would reccommend talking to your psych about it though.