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Need help/Support/Something
I really need some support or something. I'm really struggling so much right now. So so much.
I'm having so much trouble at work and i dont know what to do about it, its all about my lip piercing and yeah i'm going to take it out but i dont know, i feel so weird about it, its kind of just an excuse to leave that place, but then i cant be sacked, because that really wouldnt look good in the future. So i have to tell them i'll take my piercing out and then i might be leaving anyway. My doctor wont let me take the time off with her because she says she wants me to stay in work so i have a reason to get up. I've been having so many panic attacks and the cutting is so so bad. Shes seen my arms again and she still just wants me to see this psychiatrist and I will do, when the appointment comes through. When i saw my doctor today, she didnt seem bothered at all by anything that I was saying to her. And i was so close to breaking down, but didn't. Maybe if i did she would of listened. As soon as i got out the doctors surgery all i could think about was going into town and getting loads of tablets. and its so wrong. I already have all my anti depressants, some sleeping tablets, paracetamol... quite a few. And all i can think about is taking them. I have 3 hours until my dad gets home from work and i could do it before then, then he wouldnt find me and i wouldnt be saved. The doctors today was my last try, i cant deal with work anymore. I hate it. I hate it so much. I'm thinking about handing my notice in. but i need the money. What if they sack me tomorrow? What will i do then? What will my dad think? What will my brothers and mum and aunt think and what will i do about a new job.. who will want to employ someone whos been sacked? i cant do this anymore i really cant. I holding onto the tinylittle bits left in my life. I keep trying to make a little nothing into a big something... i keep trying to give things so much more meaning than what they have. I'm trying to think of reasons why I need to hold on. And i keep breaking down. Ive got no one left anymore. No one. Not my aunt, not my friends, ive never had my parents- they dont know. I dont know what im hopng for. I dont know what to do anymore. I really dont.:-( |
Firstly, I just want to say well done for being so honest with us and writing all that down. It's very hard and it's a great achievement that you did that.
Would it be an option to go back to your Doctor this afternoon? I know it might sound ridiculous to you as you were only there this morning but you sound as if you are in a very bad place and as you are considering overdosing you sound unsafe. Your Doctor will appreciate you giving it one last chance and it's her job to see you again if you need it. Maybe you could write some things down for her, like you did in this post so that she can see exactly how you are feeling. It's often hard to communicate things and things get mixed up so perhaps your Doctor just didn't understand quite how bad you are feeling. I'm sure she was bothered by what you were saying to her but it's very hard sometimes to know when to intervene and when not to - perhaps she was trying to give you space to talk about feelings. I think you also need to speak to somebody about work, it seems to be getting you down a lot and although I can understand your Doctors point of view about having to get up for work there are other options. How would you feel about doing voluntary work? I know this presents money problems but again this is something you could talk about with someone who knows more about it than me! Voluntary work can be good because you feel a lot less pressure but it will still give you a reason to have to get up in the mornings, it's worth considering but of course I don't know how appropriate it is to your circumstances. There are reasons to hold on even if you can't see them right now. When you start to feel better and start to have a real life again, away from depression/panic attacks/self harm I think you will be glad that you didn't go through with harming yourself today. It's easy for me to say and hard for you to believe, I know but I hope it gives you some sort of hope. This time last year I was so, so unwell and I was hurting myself all the time but as the past year has gone I have started to improve and I'm glad I gave it that chance. I know though I would never have believed it a year ago. I'm thinking of you sweetheart and I really hope you give yourself a chance, Lotti x |
Tilly I'm so sorry things are so bad right now. I don't have any great advice right now but I wanted you to know that I read this and I do care, I care lots. You know I'm just a pm/email/text anything away if you need me at anytime. You aren't alone honey and I know you can beat this.
*cuddles* I love you x |
I really cant do this
im so stupid so stupid i hate myself this just isnt right i need to do this so bad but i cant move. i cant cry. i cant go upstairs. i cant take them. i cant do anything. i just want to go to bed and never get up. not go to this meeting. not have to go to work again. not to have to earn money. forget everything. i cant do this anymore im at rock bottom i just dont know how to get myself up from there i need to do this now |
i need people to stop asking things of me
please stop tellng me im not putting in the effort please start listening to me start realising start noticing. icant do that. i cant throw them away. if i do that, ill od. should i just od anyway? need people to just listen. and hear. and help. i need to be ok and to stop this just to stop this :'( |
IM SORRY
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hey hunni, keep it up, keep talking we are here for you - how you feeling the now?
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Hiya there i am very sorry that your having such a difficult time right now. *Gives you a big hug* Everything will be ok, i know that what your going through isnt easy but it doesnt mean that you cant get through this. Could you talk to us about what it is thats made you feel like this? Do you have any support at all? (If you have one) have you spoken to your counseller how your feeling? Im so sorry for the pain that your going through. This link is called How suicide effects those around you http://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum...ead.php?t=1405
You can get through this please dont give up please keep fighting through this. Things wont be like this forever, things will get better. Be gentle with yourself try not to be too hard on yourself as that will only create problems. We are all here for you and we will support you for as long as you need it. We all care about you so much. No one wants to see you get hurt anymore than what you already are, that includes me other people here, and your friends and family. I know that things are not godd for you now but they wont always be like this. Have you thought about writing down your thoughts and feelings? Its important that if you do decide to write down your thoughts and feelings that you combine both the positive things and the negative things together so that you dont end up writing down just the negative things on there own. Make sure that you keep safe, none of us want to see you get hurt any more than what you already are you dont deserve it. Please keep distracting yourself as much as you possibly can, there are lots of things that you can try here are some of them, listening to music, doing jobs to keep you busy, watching a movie, going for a walk and posting on the fun and distractions forum. Please keep talking to us, you dont have to go through this all on your own, we are here for you. Please take care its important that you look after yourself. Take care best wishes Ian |
thank you for the replies. feeling a little better but still not 100%.
i currently dont have a counsellor but im on the list to see someone in the psychiatric team at the hospital... which should be any day soon, i'm just waiting for them to call me and arrange a day and time. im holding on the best i can and im really starting to wish that people would understand that, some people are pushing me to hard and i dont like it :[ thank you for the support and understanding *gives hugs* xx |
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