my update....for anyone who cares!
 

Just an update since I really don't do a whole lot of posting or replying for that matter.....

My life has gone totally downhill, so much I can just about touch bottom.
Yes, I had big hopes and dreams, but then again this is not the first time I have had them.

Alot, I have to admit is my own doing, as I have for so long covered for people. Covered so people would not know just what a mess I had gotten myself into. Lied so people would not know how bad things really were, then I started to believe my own lies. Believed people were treating me as they did for my own good. Believed it when they turned **** around to make it my fault.

Now it seems I am losing my son to his father because I guess I cannot "control" him...(15 year old with a drinking problem).
So now he goes back to his abusive dad, I guess so now he either has a drinking partner, or his dad will drink with him at home so therefore he will not be getting picked up by the police for being drunkin public.
*makes sense to me*

But then I too twisted my small little mind to thinking it would keep peace in the house here....yeah right, him leaving is going to make no difference in this ****ing house.

I'm again working about 45 hours a week, but makes no difference really, not much to come home to, except maybe dirty laundry, dirty dishes and having to cook.

After 30 years of working, cooking, cleaning, taking care of kids and sick adults I think it is time for a break....but the only break I can see me getting is getting in my car and taking off....to where, no idea.
Maybe another breakdown and a vacation in the mental hospital is in store.

Maybe this is all about starting on the meds again, maybe they are screwing me up or just making me see things for what they really are....but doI really want to see the truth?
Don't think so, maybe time to ditch the meds again.

I think you should go for a vacation
to the beach
give yourself a break. time to recharge, and come back fresh
i wish i had better advice for you
Stand strong, pretty lady.
Much Love

Thanks Erin....
maybe if I can find my way to the beach it might be a good idea.
I really have no idea what to do but I doknow it is time I started doing something for myself (no one else will)
And now it's just one daughter with me, so maybe.....

I really need to get a therapist and just tell them everything, stop the lying and just tell it all.

(and I really needtoget this ****ing space bar fixedon my laptop)

It does sound like you need a break

Just the pretending to be "fine" in itself is exhausting, let alone the clearing up after other people's mess and worrying about your family

Sometimes you can go along for so long pretending things are ok, you almost convince yourself and then WHAM it hits you in the face that things really are not fine

But it sounds like it's time to start looking after yourself just now

I hope you don't mind me posting, I don't know you but I've seen you round about these here parts :)

Sarah x

hi there...
good to see you posting again.
im sorry everything is such **** for you though.
i think the therapist is a good idea and by reading your post it sounds like youre really ready to take care of YOU.
thats a good thing.
much love.
xx

screams yes! ANd you of all people know!


Sent you an email earlier. Now I feel like crap for not seeing this. Tells you what a friend I am. I havent strayed much. I dont know to much.


Linda, please please take care of you!


Worried,
Rain

I care
xx

Honey you need to do it for you. All these years you've been doing stuff for everyone else. Time to do it for you. Decide what sort of break you want, beach? retreat somewhere n the forest (don't know your area soz) or even just a nice hotel for a couple nights. You need to do something nice. Go to a day spa or something! Get a facial... a manicure! But do it for you! Even if it's getting a good book, some bad food and curling up under the covers in bed for the day, do that!!! Just something that is purely for you. Erin is right, you need to recharge! *hugs*

But I always feel sooo guilty when I attempt this.
How do I get past the quilt feelings of doing something for myself, since I am not sure I have ever attempted this sort of thing before.

You feel guilty? Eat some chocolate! If you haven't attempted it, then maybe you should try! And i bet axx will back us up! Point this out to him. Ask him if he thinks you should actually do something for yourself! Honey, you can do this. Pick a place that looks awesome. Spa, massage... something to relax you! And you shouldn't feel guilty, you've devoted your whole life to your children, I don't think they would begrudge you something for you! Something decadent :D

I agree with the others, you need to do something for yourself. I don't really know how to get over the guilt feelings, I do everything for my husband and my family, but a friend once said to me that life is more than a sacrifice and you have to look out for yourself. So take a break, even if yu just tell your daughter to clear up and cook more oten. It is a start.

Take care XXX

Im gonna give you another one of my sitting on the fence replies here......


GET THE **** OUT OF THERE!!! PLEASE!

Love you lady

Matthew xxx

when my mum hit 45 she started doling out the chore lists, she had us when she was 'older' so i was 11 and my brother 9, a lot of people her age had grown up or at least teenage kids. we had to earn our pocket money. on a saturday at 1pm there was room inspection, if the rooms were tidy we got £1, then for every chore we did (washing up, hoovering, ironing, changing bedlinen, doing laundry etc) we got an extra 50p, we had to write down the chore and get it signed by mum or dad to say it was done and then it got added to our pocket money. it took the stress off my mum and all of a sudden she started baking and sewing again....

she found time to go back to work, one of the chores we could do was a foot file and massage for my mum, and my bro would do that, and then I would clip her nails and put polish on them and give her a manicure (£2 for both!!), that way she got her pampering at cut-price.

love you linda, take long relaxing walks with the dog under-arm lol! mand x

you do need and deserve time for you..but you know you REALLY need to see a therapist, that will a lifelong reward for you. Huni, you have carried everyone and everything for way too long. Please try to see that there isnt really choice anymore...you NEED to get help for you...and more so, you deserve it.

Think of what you would say to one of us in your position. Please take this step for you

luv ya
romp