ex's who'd have em
 

so in janury i broke up with the only girl i've trusted since my scucide attempt in aug 05. she decide it was best for us to stop seeing each other as in sept she is goign to uni and she didn't want to take any ties with her. i respected her wishes i want her to be happy, made me feel like shit for ages. we stayed friends we made work easier. then she began to change cartain conversations became harder certain names had diffrent reactions, at this point i knew she like someone else. so a few months pastedand i find out that all my friends at work knew for a fact something was going on between them and noone told me, it tuke the ex of soemone who works there to find out and she told me. to be fair her ex tuek my side andthought what my ex was doign to me was wrong and decided to stay out of it.

i know is none of my bussiness who she's seeing and okay she felt bad for me becasue of what she's done. it reacted carmly completly oposite to what she expected. i said i knew for a while (i'd be a crap psychologistif i didn't spot it) and i spotted it before she knew she was starting to like him
which has made him fear me more as it was mostly his behaviour i best my belief on in the early days

the thing that gets me is that soon her 18th bday party is happening all her school freinds will be there and know her historywith me and know about him plus every one from work knowsbut into it was confirmed to me she was going to leave me in the dark to be honest i'm pissed she would put me in that situation knowing everyone knew about everything and theres me in the pissing middle of it. we spoke about her bday for ages whiel we was together and after we broke up i just don't know if i want to go now i don't want to let her down its so confusing.

I really don't know what to say. I'm sorry she did that to you! We're here for you.

so its here birthday party tomorrow i really want to go and be there for here but i don't know if i can do it. he's going to be there alongwith everyone else. 2 pople out of my group of friends have said they go with me for emionmal support. they have nevermet herbefore so i unsure.plus they have just gotten together so i know they'll be lovly dovey towards each other which is the last thing i need at this point. i'm goign to see how workgoes i finish at 9.30 and webe meetignthem at about 10ish i justdon't think i'll be able to do it.

I'm sorry that she tried to keep it all behind your back, but maybe she did it because she didn't want to hurt you?
Maybe you could just pop in with your friends for a little while, go say Happy Birthday and then see how you feel and if you don't think you can handle being there, then leave.
whatever you do decide, do what you are comfortable with.
take care
x

so it turns out my friends can't make it now so i'll be flying solo for the night. which is totaly not wherei wanted to be i really don't know if i'm going to go now. i might just turn up for a few drinks then leave like whats suggested. i really don't think i can do this

Kenny, I understand how you feel. Being friends with someone you cared about can be really difficult, especially when it seems that you are the last one to find out, even if you had suspected it for a while. I was in a very similar situation myself.

In my experience, you are in for a lot of heartache if you maintain those feelings. It's ultimately up to you to decide if it's worth getting crapped on to make an effort. If you don't think you can do it, don't. I know precisely how hard it is to be in any kind of social environment with somebody you cared about while they are with their bf. It's human nature to feel awful. Perhaps you could come up to her at a later date and explain why you didn't attend and then explain your feelings to her when she is by herself?

I hope I was at least partially helpful to you. Good luck and take care!

cheers for the advice, i did go in the end just for a few drinks then went somewhereelse with a friend who else entended. before i left i was treated liek shit. the new boyfriend was being a complete cock to every including her hedidn't even wish her happy birthday or byher a present. i made an effortto speak to all her friends i've met in passing onlyon of then hadthe decentcy to soliclize back. her best friend was continuly rude to me. something happed and my ex went osomewhere else for a bit she then called me to sort it out in the club givingme a message to give the friend it tuke would take about 15 seconds to pass iton but tuek about a minute asshe kept interupting me. i put upwith this shit when i was dating her i don't need it now. the boyfriend end up leaving before midnight not tellign her he was going.
to top it all of justwhen i get settled in the new club her and hermate turned up. i've decided at 24years old i'm gettign to old for 18 birthday partys lol

the party and after
 

Kenny,

Im sorry youve had to go through this situation, again im sorry to your friends bailed out of going with you to the party. I hope they had good reasons why they couldnt go. Having emotional support would have been helpful. Flying solo as you say can be hard and it is a decision only you can take.

That was brave of you to go to the party, and totally wrong that you were treated like shit especially since you were making the effort to be understanding.
The way her boyfriend was behaving proves hes no good for her and i hope she sees that. It was good of you to make the effort to talk with her friends, yet totally out of order that only one spoke back to you, and not on, that her best friend treated you very rudely.
It was mature of you to stay calm with this, and again good of you to try and help her out with her problem. Yet having her keep interupting you as you say shes done before was too much, you dont deserve to be treated that way again.

Its clear from the way her boyfriend just upt and left the party without saying goodbye to her shows he doesnt care one bit.

Hey im sorry you turned up at the club only to find her and her friend there thats the last thing you needed, you wanted and deserved some space.

You need to let go of her mate and not have any contact, it will be hard but you need to stop it from hurting you anymore, youve put yourself out to be understanding and supportive only to be shit on and inconvenienced.

I know how hard it is to start again, having her there for you after your suicide att and being able to trust her was important to you, but now you need to carefully start a new chapter in your life.

I know too how important it is to have someone close who you can open up to. Im on my own after having to walk away from a 10 year abusive relationship/marriage,where i was on the recieving end of her abuse and violence. Where i needed to divorce her to survive, and my best friend he bullied me, so i have no friends at this moment. And i understand you about how difficult it is to overcome a suic attempt, and be understood, and be supported, as ive been there too.
Your very strong and have done well to deal with stuff,

I hope you have 1 or 2 good friends you can rely on to be supportive of you until you find someone else to share your life with.

Good luck with everything, feel free to pm me if ever you want to

Dave