Edgy
 

I don't really know what to say now I've started this thread. I'm just feeling a bit edgy and tearful and thought it would be good to let off some steam.

I haven't cut since shortly before I found out I was pregnant, and I want to keep it that way - for the same reasons that I won't be getting any new piercings/tattoos while I'm pregnant, it's an easy way to let infections in and neither junior or I need that right now.

I do worry about taking my anti-depressants though. I'm drinking decaf tea and coffee, not using anti-inflammatories for my arm and yet I'm taking tablets every day. GP reckoned I'm more of a risk if I don't take them than if I do.

I've been deemed a high risk pregnancy due to my mental health (or lack thereof!) and am seeing a consultant on april 2nd. I've also been put down to give birth in the consultant unit rather than the normal midwife-led unit, which pretty much rules out birthing pools etc. Feels like the choices have been taken away.

Added to which, internal exams scare the **** out of me because of history which makes me a bit wary of anybody down there. I don't know how that'll work nearer the time.

I'm so so happy to be pregnant, I just wish I didn't still have the depression weighing me down. And I wish we could afford our own place, space for ourselves and junior. But money isn't so much tight as non-existent. I've been signed off sick since June last year and haven't had a penny of incapacity benefit or income support. Remind me why at 17 I was paying £200 a month in taxes when they won't give me a penny when I can't afford food.

Apologies for the long post, but once I started writing it all poured out.

Firstly can I just say that you have a fantastic name (same name as me!)

CONGRATULATIONS on being pregnant :)
Another RYL sprog on the way!

As for internal exams...I take it you've been...you were... yeah, the R word?
Does any medical proffessional know about that? They will be really kind and gentle with the exam if they know your past experiences.

*cuddles*

hey honey
i wish i knew more about the social services and support money in your country so i could offer some advice but alas i dont :(

as for your baby and your meds and stuff, i think you will be fine and the most important thing you can do is be healthy for the both of you. my best friend is bipolar and kept talking most of her meds during her pregnancy for the same reason, and that baby is 16 mos now and hitting all the developmental milestones early and doing just fine!!

i agree that when it comes time for your exams, you should maybe tell your doctor or talk about it with your therapist? would it help if you had a friend or somebody there with you? sometimes there can also be a nurse present. remember that this is about you and your baby and you are the one in control so you can have things done however you want - you are in control!

good luck honey xxxooo

Thankyou guys.

I let Rusty read this thread because I'm rubbish at telling him what's bothering me. He read it and we talked and I had a good cry. I managed not to cut.

It's just all a bit scary when your coping mechanism has been taken away

I know honey, I know.
How are you feeling about the prospect of the birth? I should think that must be scary due to your past experience.