Close to throwing it all away
 

So Close.

Too Close.

9 months. Down the drain.

I'm so close to cutting, and I dont know what to do.
I dont know how much longer I can fight this.
I know one little cut will only turn into more, and more, and Ill be back to where I was 9 months ago. I know one little cut, and I wont be able to stop, I know Ill lose control again and the cuts will just get deeper, like before.
I know, it will only solve things in the short term, and make things worse in the long run but I want it anyway, I dont know how to fight it. Its all I think about, I try distract myself but it only works for a short time.

I just dont know what to do, and I dont know how much longer I can hold out

I miss it.

It is natural to miss it hun *hugs* especially when it was such a big part of your life. But you can fight the urges, you have proven how incredibly strong you are by going 9 months without it so you are obviously doing something right! You know the problems cutting brings, try and keep yourself distracted. You can do this xx

you do know how to fight it - you have been fighting all along and doing a fab job and you are still here and stronger for it so keep going!!
9 months have not gone down the drain!! i hope that you are keeping safe and staying super strong and distracting yourself and fighting the urges, but hey you know what? no matter what happens you have been incredibly brave and strong for 9 whole months and nothing can take that away from you
maybe, since you say you can't think of longer-term distractions, try to tackle a huge probject like cleaning the kitchen or organizing photographs or something
has anything happened to trigger you that you want to talk about?
good luck honey we're pulling for you
xxxooo

Nine months is awesome.

Is there some kind of gift you can give yourself and be good to yourself? I love to buy hair accessories and I really enjoy window shopping on line. I think those are good distractions.

You don't be afraid. I think that it has method.