i cant take anymore
 

i am having a breakdown.
i want to runaway,disappear never be found
i want to die.
i cant cope
i am only writing this as i need to calm down
my baby boy is playing in the front room
im a horrible mum
i have a beautiful boy and i just want him to be taken.
taken because i dont want him to see me like this but i love him and i dont want him to be taken away from me
i keep thinking about having his dad pick him up and i will go and hurt myself
im a mess
please help

ok.....try to calm down.
i know...easier said than done.
we are here to listen.
please post as much as you need.
*gentle snuggles*
much love.
xxxxxxxxxx

Rachel is right - first of all you need to relax and slow down and be calm
it's never a good idea to make decisions while you are upset
try to distract yourself - ryl is a good tool for that
just the fact that you came on here instead of calling your son's dad and harming is a really good sign and sort of shows that you had to know that was a bad idea
if you harm, what will it really solve? what will it accomplish? you may end up feeling worse, too, and that would just suck
you are a good mum - bad mums dont wonder about that and bad mums dont care that much about their children
is there somebody you can call - friend, relative, doc - to talk to you and keep you company?
you have so much worth fighting for and if you feel this bad you dont deserve to go through it alone
take care and be safe
xxxooo

As much as your baby's dad has hurt you, do you really want your baby around this guy?

Can you learn to take care of yourself for your baby and at the same time learn to take care of yourself for yourself?

Can you maybe cherish the parts of you that you want to hurt? Put some lotion on your arms and legs. Brushing my hair is one of my favorite soothing things. Have a cup of tea or whatever you like.

Please take care of yourself and be good to yourself.
*gives you a hug*

hope you are doing okay

thanks for replys.
my babys dad came round he put baby to bed for me.
i then binged on junk food and alcohol.
Dont know whats going to happen now(bf is upstairs he stayed over)
i know blondie bear that he hurts me and i should be careful i dont think he would ever intionally hurt our son.its just me he hurts.
And i dont have anyone else.
i phoned my psychologist last week but she still hasnt phoned me back.i am desprete to speak to her.im getting worse and worse.but she hasnt returned my calls.
i just dont want to be here anymore

hey you can do this! you have a ton worth fighting for so fight! you are here for a reason. keep phoning that psych, and if things get really bad try a crisis line. keep leaving messages until your psych calls back
hugs hugs
xxxooo

finally got in touch with pschologist.i was honest.
i have apt with her on friday,
i am worried im not going to make it til then without serriously harming myself.
i want to die

nope cant go on
i in bad way
sorry people

YOU CAN DO IT
keep fighting, honey
you made an appt and that is brilliant and awesome and fantastic and i am SO PROUD of you
think of how great it will be for you and your son that you are doing such a great job of fighting this
friday is just a couple of days away and you will hang in there and make it to the appointment and it will be super and lovely
GO YOU!
just be strong and keep busy and distract yourself
go clean or bake a cake or write something or play games or something
keep posting on here and we will talk to you and keep you busy!

Thanks for the vote in confidence

ive distracted myself and distracted myself.
been going through lovely photos of boy etc
i want to harm so bad and i serriously think theres nothing else i can do.
i am going to give in

noone cares.............

okay THAT just isn't true
you care, for one
i am sure that your family cares
hey I care!!!!
how is the distracting yourself going?
don't just give in, please
it will solve nothing and in the end you will probably just feel worse
keep being strong!!! friday is SO INCREDIBLY CLOSE
you can do it ra ra ra!!!

I care hun, I do.
PLease be careful, take care, you can fight this, I really believe you can, I know how hard it is, I reallydo, but you can do it. PLease keepfighting hun.
I hope youre ok
Here if you want to talk,
Love Lora xx

how are you doing sweetie? check in when you can please

I took a knife to my wrists last night.But i Didnt do anything.My baby cryed and i put the knife down.
How i am feeling is constant it never goes away.
Again today i serriously considered killing myself.After a long cry i went and cuddled my baby.We then took a bath together.
He loves his baths with me.He slaps the water and kicks his little legs.he tryed to grab hold of Winnie and the plastic ducks.His smiles and laughter helped calm me.
I love my boy so much but i just,just cant go on.
I am starting to think i may have postnatel depression.Or it could just be whats going on around me.
i have bpd(borderline personality disorder) and am a recovered anorexic.My social phobias got so bad i dont go out.I am a single mum but have got back with babys Dad (sort of).He hurt me badly in the last month.And my nephew who is 3wks has been fighting for his life.
i am just such a horrible person i shouldnt be here.

oh wow i am so proud of you for showing that restraint and staying safe go you!!!
it sounds like you have a lot going on but it also sounds like you have come so so far
be careful with your baby's dad - i don't know the story but be safe
look after yourself
so glad you are okay!
xxxooo

Your such a nice person.Thanks for talking to me.I had decideed everyone on ryl hated me.I dont know everyone on ryl so how that is possible i dont know.
Sorry if i worried you

Your son loves you so much that he was able to distract you. I'm glad you didn't have to SI.
I understand too about social phobias. I don't like crowds. I can be agoraphobic.

You're not alone. We're here. I'm glad you have an appointment with the doctor for Friday.

hugs