Counselling? It's what my boyfriend wants...
 

I have been coping ok. I have flashbacks. I was sexually abused when I was 11 years old. It lasted a year. That was 8 years ago. I used to self harm because of it, sometimes I do slip up but overall I don't cope in that way anymore. I have a boyfriend who loves me and I am working constantly. I don't have time to deal with flashbacks or feelings about what happened.

My boyfriend told his mum who is a social worker and she said that he was to tell me that if i ever needed help i was to go to her. She could also set up counselling if that is what I wanted. I hate counselling more than anything!! I could scream at the thought of it. i have tried it twice. i feel sick thinking about it. I just don't like talking!!!! But this is something he really wants me to do because he said everybody ahs to deal with things at some point but then he turned around and said that he cant force me and at the end of the day it is me that has to go through it and not him so it is all up to me.

I don't know what to. I don't want it. I don't know if I need it. What would I say? What are you supposed to say in counselling? I have never stayed long enough to find out!!! Should I do this?

Please help me because I really do feel lost!

wb!

Thanks

Kirsty x

Im very sorry that you went through that as a child. It is a huge accomplishment for you to learn better ways to be coping, I just wanted to comment on that aspect and say great job!

In my opinion, seeing your boyfriends mother for therapy, would probably not be in your best interest, even if you decide that therapy was the best course of action for you to take. The number on reason being that you are going to see this person in an outside atmosphere. In my experiece, seperating therapy from you 'real life' is best, you don't want therapy to be your life, just a small part of it. If you were to see her outside, you may feel a bit uncomforatable around her and your boyfriend alike, as you would probably wonder if she was telling him things you told her. If you explained this reasoning to her as to why you would rather seek help from someone other then herself, then I am sure she would not take offense to this.

But, I know you said that you would just assume not go to therapy, and that is certainly a decision that you and only you can make. You can't do it for your boyfriend, if you were to go for him, then most likely, you would get nothing accomplished, you would find that you would be resentful towards him for making you do something you didn't want to do, and it could be possible that you would subconciously sabatoge your own therapy, and make sure it didn't work, just to show him that you didn't need it. Therapy has to be the decision of the individual, those around you can help support you through making the decision, and through recieving the help, but they can't be the one making the decision. If you don't feel you need therapy, you know best, but just make sure you leave the option open, there is absolutly nothing wrong with asking for help, and as for not liking to talk, sometimes we have to talk in order to heal...even if it isn't our favorite thing to do.

If you were to decide to go to therapy, there really is no right or wrong answer to what you say there, you say what you are feeling. The therapist will be there to help you along the way, in my experience, after they started asking question, I usually opened up much more, and was able to talk about what I really needed to talk about, the conversation just escalated, I never expected miracles in the first sessions, or any sessions after that, the healing process is long, but well worth it.

Please keep us updated on the situation and I wish you the best of luck. PM me if you need anything at all.
xx
Nicole

I guess it all depends on what you are comfortable with. Counselling can be really helpful but it's a matter of finding the right counsellor and right form of therapy for you. Everyone is different. Talking about your feelings and such a traumatic event is always hard. It's a challenge but unforunately you have to go through that to get better.
You say you never stayed long in counselling, so is it possible that you just never got to the point where it starts to help. The beginning of counselling is always hard because you have to dig up old feelings and experiences. So it can feel like it's just making things worse.
As your boyfriend said, it's all up to you. I find it's really good to have someone to talk to though. Maybe you could talk to your boyfriends mum about different options of therapy and what would work for you.

what about starting to talk simply with your boyfriend's mom? It might be good to get the advice of someone who's "in the job" in a totally informal way.

Dont put yourself under too much pressure anyway, because you can change your mind anytime. You don't have to make a life-altering decisions right now.