Changing
 

Requested a new user name. Thought it was instant --guess it wasnt.

you dont know me.

I dont know me.





Life has a way of changing. I have changed in many ways. I wanted to change, but the one thing that tears me apart, well, I am begining to understand how much I want it.

I dont know what has become of me. But Recover used to be there. This is not some sappy goodbye post.
It is just knowing that I cause problems, so I will delete from the site.

I didnt mean turn away.

The mind is a horrible mass conflicting and torturing.


Alas harming has but has not helped. I have to many scars. I have fresh wounds.

Pain, I want to find it. I want to find the REAL me.

The accident is my cry for help.
I cannot speak it. So I will show my pain. This accident has been in the making for a while. I dont know any other way or any one to call that could help RIGHT NOW.

I realize the shame I have put on my family.

I dont know how to bring it up, but this quiet world of mine is screaming.
Time is running, withering away.
I want to know the answer.
I want to be able to find the help but not in secret shame.
I hope to find someone tonight that can help.

I am sorry I have been so rude.

I will change,
Rain

Rain, dont you dare go through with what you are planning.
This accident you are talking about, what does it involve?
Believe me there are better ways to do this, you put too much on the line here.

i have started the process of getting the help i need. this process is an accident. i cant tell you otherwise. I cant talk to anyone in real life. so i find with action. no suicide.

I still worry. Im sur there are other ways! Safer ways.
I have read your posts rain, and im worried your accident might be more dramatic than planned.

Rain, I don't know that I have any advice to offer, or any words that are of any help to you... I know you don't know me at all, no one here does...because 99% of the time, I just "lurk". But PLEASE I read your posts, and I really do care about you a lot, just as I care about everyone else here. PLEASE stay safe, and PLEASE know that I care, and am always here to listen.
...Kellie

Rain, please don't plan this accident! I used to do something like that and it worried my boss and my husband. I gave my guardian angel major stress and he had to find creative ways of preventing it the accidents.

Causing more pain isn't the answer to finding the real you. Sometimes it is part of the process, but it isn't the answer.

Please, what are you planning.
Please, how can we help you???
*grabs you in a worried and caring hug*

so now i am changed by name.
people inadvertantly intervened. husband stayed home due to flu.

i cant worry family with the accident. i am scheduled to be away for some time tomorrow. what they dont know wont hurt them. Heck , they dont know anything.
Talk does no good, so showing them how much i hurt, will put me in position to get help. it will.it has to.
*holds on for another night*

My name is Rain,
I am just not here right now.

Please be careful Rain. Don't do anything to seriously hurt yourself. *hugs*

Rain people know you are in pain. How about voicing it a little more to them. Tell them of your plans, show them that way. You dont ned to do ths.

I went through with part of my plan. I got half a bucket of help.

Want to thank you for your messages. I scared the crap outta myself. Sorry for doing what I did. Sorry for worrying you.

1st step... another road.

details later.
Sorry for being short.

Still Breathing,
Rain

As long as you are still here Rain that is all that matters.
Hunni i really hope you get what you need
But more than that I hope you are able to see how low you have been.
Rain now mater what, this "accident" can not have been a good idea. I hope that you cn see it. There are so many people who care about you.
I dont know you that well, but i can say the place wouldnt be the same without you!
And I would like the chance to get to know you better.
So please hunni, it might not mean much comming from mebut please keep fighting this. Things really will get better. I can feel it.

I don't know you well at all, but I really hope you are okay, hun. *hugs*