My Master's Personal Statement
 

Hello

I know I dont post in here alot but I feel it is more suited to here than 'general chat' I am currently in the process of applying to do a masters and would be really grateful if people could look through my statement and give me feedback my main concern is the length and it making sense so if you can see any areas that I could make more concise I would be so grateful.

Thanking you

Camilla

deleted application as I am sending it off now :)

Wish me luck!

Sounds Great. Makes me feel like a thicky thick-thick thicky thing tho.

Can you add that you also know me and im really cool?

How could I forget that I am learning to moonwalk! I am sure they would be knocked off there feet knowing I was the great Penguins Lap dancing Mentalist Camel Lady Thing wot Moonwalks

What happened to le adoption thread I wonder

I am the coolest!!
Yay for UCL until they turn me down!

I second what Matt says. a) It's brilliant hun, very well worded and just what they want; b) I feel thick now too! and c) You'll be in this country again so we can meet up more YAAAAAAAAY!!

If they don't love it they must have some serious issues

muchly love xxxxx

The content looks great to me. Sorry I can't say anything about the punctuation. (My husband had to format and proofread all of my research projects.)

lots of good info in the there and it appears to be well written(im dsylexic) i have rectenly just done my personal staement to, the only thing i would say is that , having spent a few days researching personal staements fromt eh web, you first paragraph / sentance didnt interest me i kinda thought oh another personal staement... the best ones i found on the web in the first few sentances you where hooked there was no way that you werent going to read the rest, my advice (for what it is worth... lol) revamp you intro to really catch the persons attention who is going to be reading itil pm u mine if you like not hat its perfect or anything close but maybe it may give you a different perpesctive. , good luck with you masters youlll ace it. p

It looks pretty strong to me. Like vulnerome was saying, the punctuation could use some fine-tuning; what jumped out most was your tendency to omit commas in longer sentences, making them kind of hard to read. But a good proofreading should probably sort that out. Try reading it aloud to see where the flow is disrupted. For example, sentences like "This showed me how intense research can be and how important it is to be organised throughout the time" threw me off. By rephrasing it as "This led me to understand/recognize the intensity of the research process and the importance of organisation throughout" you eliminate most or all of the ambiguity. Little things like that.

Find someone who kicks ass at academic writing to edit it through for you. You've got a really solid start here, for sure. I don't know a thing about what a Master's statement should be, so I can't really offer advice on anything other than technicalities.

Best of luck. I definitely think you can swing it. :]

Thank you all so much :)

I have made various changes and given it to a friend to proof read!

Will let you know what happens when I know!