no purpose
 

Okay I realize that this is a rather vague problem, but all the same I'm sure a lot of you will understand. I feel like my life has lost all meaning and purpose. I have nothing to live for anymore.

The real problem is not that I'm miserable right now, it's that I can see no reason that things will ever change. I have no idea what kind of life would make me happy in the future. I just don't know what I want. And I definitely don't see my social situation changing anytime soon. I have lost almost all of my friends and I have no skills or opportunities to make new ones. As for school, I used to be a great student but that is all history now. I can't cope with college, I'm not sure why exactly, but how am I ever supposed to get a good job if I can't graduate? Not to mention that in my family and my community, not finishing college would be unspeakable.

When I picture the future, I don't see what most other people my age see- a decent job, a family, and friends. I see myself still alone and miserable, turning into some crazy recluse as the years go on, or the other possibility is that I kill myself so I don't have to deal with that.

When I was in the ER after an overdose, the nurses kept promising me that life gets better after my age (I'm 19). But I look on this forum and it seems like all evidence is to the contrary. I see a lot of older people who are just as unhappy or more. And that is not very reassuring to me. Because if I can't deal with the present, and the future won't be any better, why should I bother sticking around?

Oh and I should also mention that certain recent events have discouraged me even more. My old high school lost three current or recently graduated students to suicide in the past year. And many more students have attempted suicide or felt suicidal. That just supports my feeling that life is not worth the trouble, because obviously many other people feel that way.

So how do I find meaning or purpose in life? How do I find something good that will outweigh all the bad and make me want to live? How do I find hope that things will get better? I don't know how much longer I can take this. Any enlightenment or advice that you might have would be greatly appreciated.

I could have written most of what you have just said myself, I really could
I cant be much help because I feel the same, but I guess we have to hold on the fact that hopefully one day things will be better, and that it wont always be like this
Im always around if you want to talk
Love Lora xx

*reassuring snuggles*
i guess all i can think of is.......
i live for the MOMENTS of happiness, peacefulness etc.
life is never going to be great for me...i dont think.

but the MOMENTS of greatness are enough to keep me going.

it took me a long time to figure this out.
but these moments are enough for me now.

thinking of you
much love.
xxxxxxxxxx

It is the moments of joy and serenity that get me through too. Sometimes perspective on the events helps too. In my case I've lost a lot of people, not to death, but because the relationships ended. I think that in our emotional lives, people are like plants, growing or dying. I can now look at what happened as not just raw loss, but pruning so that what is left can be healthier.
Okay, now that i've made you drowsy and relaxed with my lecture
*gives you an understanding hug*

I never seem to have those moments anymore. But thanks for the replies.

Sorry, I hope it's okay if I keep posting here.

So I just realized that I'm 2 months SI free tonight. Which makes it sound like I'm doing well but I'm really not. I think the stress of not self harming for that long is contributing to my suicidal feelings. I'm thinking of starting again...I've been having really bad urges lately...but I'm afraid that I'll regret it later if I do start. But if I don't then how else do I get rid of the bad feelings? I've never really found anything that works.

Sometimes you just have to live through the bad feelings. Then they're done. I think when we SI we just postpone them. So then we have to go through the feelings and the guilt/frustration etc from the SI.