Why?!?!?!
 

So, I talked to my doctor today. He is making me stay at this damn LTSR. The doctor said he wants me out in as short a period as possible, but that's bullshit. Last time I was here I was here for almost three months. Now I'm stuck here again. I am so damn pissed!!! I want to cut so badly right now. And I don't know what to do... I'd like to chat with someone, but I can't get on the chatroom here because this is a public computer and blah blah blah. I could talk to the staff here, but I don't know. There's three of them here right now. Two are pretty nice, but one is kinda off the wall. I mean, she's nice and all, but I don't really like talking to her. Arg! What should I do?! I played my flute, I exercised, I just don't know what to do. I'm stuck in this hell hole for who knows how long. I want to go home so incredibly bad. I don't know what to do... Somebody please help...

You need to talk to the person in charge there. I went to acronymfinder.com and I think, from there, that LTSR means Long-Term Structured Residence? If you think you have been unfairly placed there, then you have rights to be let out. Unless you are detained, surely you have the rights to leave?
Best wishes and good luck,
SM

unfortunately, I cannot leave. I am court ordered to be here for up to 90 days. I tried everything I could think of to get out of here. But they won't let me leave. So I don't know how I am going to handle this. I don't think I can go without cutting much longer. I'm having a real tough go of it...

What is there reason for sectioning you this time?

Sorry, but why did they put you in there if it makes you feel worse?

I'm really not sure why they put me in this time. I tried to kill myself and I cut myself a few times. So I went to the hospital. I checked myself in. They said they felt I was a danger to myself, even though I was no longer suicidal and I told them I would do my best not to cut. But they thought they should send me here. I was pissed! I tried convinceing them I'm not a danger to myself any longer, but they didn't believe me. So I'm stuck here...

That is awfully unfair.
Can you describe to me what your daily activities are like? What the setting is like? I am still unclear as to what an LTSR is, in detail.

Sure. We have 5 groups a day. We talk about different things in each group, things like our diagnosis, techniques to deal, and various things like that. We set a goal each day and talk about whether or not we met it. And there is a lot of free time were we can watch TV, build puzzles, listen to the radio. Basically, it's like being in the hospital, only for a few months. And we do get a little more freedom. Once you're here for a while, you're aloud to go on outings with the staff, walk around outside, and eventually, go on passes with your family. I guess it's kind of like a transition between the hospital and going home. They try to prepare you for what lies ahead and get you better. Which is good, for some people. It does help to have staff around 24/7, but I just don't think I need to be here. But that's pretty much what an LTSR is.

It sounds helpful for some, but it seems that you would be better at home. You're not on a section, so surely you can formally discharge yourself?

Unfortunately, I cannot discharge myself. I am court commited for up to 90 days. The doctor says he hopes to get me out as soon as possible, but I don't forsee that being anytime real soon. I'm just praying I get to get out by the middle of March, because my family is supposed to go to Florida, and I will be really upset if I have to miss out on the vacation.

Oh yes, I remember, sorry you are court comitted. I'm being stupid. Sorry Sorry.
Count down the days. Count them down. That's what I did on my section. It wasn't as long as yours, mine was 28. But I was going 28, 27, 26, 25...
March will come and you will go on the vacation.

I sure hope so. I have been here 15 days now... I don't know when to count down to, because I don't have a discharge date. So I've been counting up the number of days I've spent here. That does help some. But I still want to get out. How do you deal with having to be locked up? How do you come to terms with the fact that you aren't free and can't do as you please? And you have absolutely no privacy! Everytime I'm on here, someone else is asking what this is and who I'm talking to. I have explained it to a few people, but seriously, does everybody have to know that I'm a cutter and that I'm seeking help throughthis website?! I don't know. Maybe I'm just being paranoid. But I still hate it!

That's horrible. I'm sorry you have to go through it. I was on 2-1 observation (basically two nurses followed me around 24/7) for the first two weeks of my section, and the rest was spent on 1-1 observation. I wasn't even allowed to close the door to go to the loo. I didn't shower for the whole section because I was so embarrassed at the thought of stripping in front of a nurse. They said that they weren't allowed to turn their backs on me. I wasn't allowed outside at all, not even into the closed courtyard. So I know what no privacy feels like. Its something that you've got to just let it happen, and perhaps trying to befriend as many people as possible might help. You're not being paranoid, its reality.

Thank you. That makes me feel a little better. At least I know I'm not alone in having these feelings. There's not really many people here to befriend. Everybody is so much older than me! I feel so out of place. There are one or two people I can talk to about nothing really. But there's nobody I can really relate to. It doesn't help that I'm the only cutter and no one else here as even heard of people cutting themselves... But I get along real well with most of the staff, so that's a plus. I spend a lot of time talking to them because there's no one else.

I can't believe that the people there haven't heard of cutting - sorry but what are they in for exactly. Keep talking to the staff, and make sure that you will let them know if you feel really low. Ideally they're supposed to look after you, so make them do their job. Good luck.

The staff have been pretty ok at helping me. Today will be the third day in a row without cutting, if I can make it through... The negative is that I've taken to punching the wall. I'm not sure if my hand is broken or not, but boy does it help! Anyway, the staff won't give me my razor to shave unless they're absolutely positive that I won't cut with it, so that helps some. Not that I can't find other ways to cut myself. And they keep an eye on me when we're in the same room, but that's not too often. So I don't know. It's hard.

It is very positive that you are not cutting. It is hard. I've had my procyclidine confiscated from me quite a few times at school because of OD risk. It p**sed me off a lot, but it prevented me from ending up in blasted hospital again, so I am glad. Have you tried punching the bed instead? Its actually a lot more satisfying because you can punch the living daylights out of your bed without injuring yourself. Also remember elastic bands and ice cubes. Good luck.

I usually give my pills to my neighbor to hold on to for me because I can't keep them in my house. She gives me a few days worth at a time. That helps keep me from ODing. Until I go to the drugstore and buy a bunch of **** to kill myself with.
The bed isn't as satisying when I punch it. It doesn't send that pain up my arm. But I'll try that next time. Thanks.

oh that sounds rough!
elastic bands are AWESOME they get me through the day (actually i use hair elastics but same difference) - i found ice cubes to be messy and to melt too fast
you can also write on yourself where you want to cut (that always sounded silly to me but i know a lot of people do it)
it sounds like you are in a good mindset - you are actively trying to move forward and recover and stop your destructive behaviors, so you are being a good patient and that should help you get out early!
in the meantime take up a new hobby? read some books?
good luck hun

You really shouldn't be seeing a pain up your arm, it could damage your arm. Your neighbour is very supportive. I barely know mine.