*Blinks* *stares* *cries*
 

I realize I am still here. Not that I tried to take my life away. (Not that I didnt either)

But I am here - breathing life. I am here for a reason but, I have not quite been privied to the answer.
I breathe in.
I breathe out.
I sustain life.
Knowing nothing I do to self will relieve the pain, the hurt, the temptation. Contstant testing if the next "injury" will cause me to wake from the daymare (not nightmare where you can actually wake up from the dream) I live day in and day out living , seeing, feeling my past. Move I cant.


*Blinks*

Is there a future for Rain?

Is there a day that I wont dream of the filth I am?


I have been sentenced. I am not handling it well. I dont know if they could stitch me or make that would stitch me. Maybe I should bleed more. Maybe I should see how far Rain is willing to let go.


*blinks*

It is cold in here.

I sustain life.

I breathe in. I breathe out.

I want to be held.
I need someone to stop this.

I blink. I stare. I cry.


Rain

I am sorry.

*holds you* I don't know Rain but I think we have to have faith that things will become clear and eventually get better. We cling onto moments of happiness and gain strength from them.

Take care
Emma x

*offers hand to hold*
I really don't know what to say. Just remeber that these feelings don't last forever and there is always something good to hold onto if you look for it.
Much love
Pam xxx

*gives you a big cuddle*

I know how hard it is. Last summer it was as much as I could do sometimes to sit and crochet one stitch at a time. Or I'd go to bed at 3 in the afternoon and lay there curled around my pig doll waiting for my husband to come home and waiting for sleep. I've had flashbacks too this year.

There is a future for you. You are not filth. You're just going through some of the pain you have to so you can heal.

*gives you another cuddle and drapes a crocheted shawl over you*

another breath has kept me alive.

*holds you tight*
there will be a day when things don't feel this bad, there will be
take care
always here
love lora xx

*snuggles you close*
i do understand your feelings.
much love.
xxxxxxxxx

And so goes another day.

Looking up at the sky, so cold, so blue.

Tonight,
yes tonight.

It is getting dark.

The cold is setting in.
It feels good on the ground.

Shh be still. Hear the exhale. Feel the pain.

"you are tenacious" What is that supposed to mean?