Thought I Was On Parole For Time Served.....
 

having been free (of sh) for about 4 years its suddenly come back to haunt me and the urges to do it are really strong, being in a bit of a mental crisis. i did have my life sorted out, off meds, off coke, my non-work gambling undercontrol and doing well in all aspects of my life, i now find my self back on meds takking coke, drinking , gambling and cutting and hardly working, i was hoping (stupidly) that i had outgrown my mental health problems but of course its not something that you can out grow or find a magic cure for , the coping mechanism that i had used before dont seam to work at the moment and i just keep finding my self in the same downward spirral which only ever ends on the same place, its difficult for my partner to help she tries to understand but i know its very difficullt for her and she feels kinda helpless.
so i leave a open question to other 'vets' out there any advice ?

thought id include before and now pics , lol

I've only been SI free from a couple of months now. And I know that it's going to come back. Because it is a coping mechanism. And i don't know any other.

But being a hypocrite, I have some advice for you.

Firstly, talk to your partner. Talk about the fact that it's something you may resort to. Depression is a flaw in chemistry, not character.

Tell her that you managed to come so far. Four years is some achievement already. Ask for her help. Explain.

It's diffilcult. It really is. We're addicts. And even if you stop, you're still an addict.

As there been anything in your life that has caused this to reoccur? There doesn't need to be, don't feel you need to search for a reason. If there is, perhaps think about tackling that.

And lastly...don't feel you are alone. You're not. This is what this place is for. We are here for you. Unconditionally.

thanks for your reply i do talk to my partner but its difficult for her understand not having similar problems and your right about the addict thing, i probably shouldnt search for a reason but i cant hellp myself i often think that if you ahd an illness that you could see or was a obviuos thing it would be easy to reason through or deal with, hang in there storm and good luck .

I wish you all the luck in the universe. And you're welcome to PM me if you ever feel that you need random chat. I cannot promise help, but I'll do what I can.

Strength through unity! (to quote one of my favourite comics)

I'm now 1 year free, and I guess I believe that its mostly over. But thats the problem, its the mostly. Because, it probably will come back. Whats fantastic for you is that you have a partner who wants to understand, and since you have done it before, you can do it again! Life is hard, really hard! But we've gotta keep pushing on, I know you can! Be open with your partner, explain whats going on and really aim for where you want to be.
Miriam xxx