useless rant
 

:crying:this is so ****ed up i don't know anymore. went out to movies and all these ppl at the shops were so tiny and skinny and i'm so fat and huge ohh and to think i actually ate lunch there how terrible am i i ate i'm a failure. but needless to say everything was ok well sorta not really went out had fun got home the second i got inside i knew something was up everything is just going downhill. its terrible so sat down ate in front of parents so to get them off my back and they go wow thats huge cant believe you'd eat that much well guess where dinner went yep straight down the toilet and i made sure i got rid of all of it but dont think i did so i guess i failed at that as well grr cant do anything right. then to make it worse i went and had chocolate OMG im way to fat as it is and i go eat choc good work ash im hopeless ohhhhhh. sorry if any of you read this, im just ova it

Ash xxxx

big hugs hun...you shouldnt be so hard on yourself. i understand that food can rule your entire life, but i guess in the end we have to face the fact that eating food is just as necessary as breathing air etc. it's society that tells us what size we should be etc. i think we would all be healthier when we dont waste out time counting calories and trying to be stick thin. look i know all this is easier said then done, but hun most of us hate the way we look and what size dress we are, most ppl are too busy worrying about how they look to worry about how you look. despite what you see in the mirror i assume your friends would say you are beautiful, inside and out.
pls take care and dont be so hard on yourself.
xoxoxox

I'm sorry you're feeling so low at the moment; it sounds like you're having a really tough time at the moment and it's important to be really aware of anything positive that happens right now. For example, you had fun when you went to the movies and that's important. It doesn't matter that it didn't last for the rest of the day or that it was a temporary feeling of being ok; there are still good things going on in your life and you need to hold on to them and recognise them so that you don't let the negative feelings take over.

I'm sure you don't need anyone to tell you that what you're doing is dangerous, so please just be careful and try to seek help if you feel able to. Do you think you can talk to your parents about what's going on? I know they're not the easiest people to talk to, but it might help if you were to let them know what's going on for you right now. If not, talking to a friend about how you feel might help.

Try to keep in mind that people often perceive us different from the way that we perceive ourselves. It sounds like you're being really hard on yourself at the moment, so try to take a step back and see if you can look at things a little differently. I think people will always find parts of themselves that they dislike and everyone has their good parts and their not so good parts. Try making a list of the things you like about yourself so you can start to feel a bit more positive. It doesn't matter if it's something small, anything can go on the list and when you're feeling low, you can look at it to remind yourself that there are good things about you.
Take care
xxx