Fucking things up
 

Apparently all I do is **** things up for everyone, why the hell don't I just diappear?

He's got an interview today so he's stressed and he shouted at me. Yeah I probably should have ignored it but I didnt, I got upset and told him he shouldnt have shouted at me. So now he's upset too. If I wasnt around he'd probably be a **** of a lot happier.

I'm not coping and I keep trying to say but not getting anywhere. I really want to support him cos he needs it at the moment and I want to be there for him. Hopefully I am he;lpful sometimes, but I just feel like I'm going to fall apart any minute.

I didnt mean to upset him, I want him to do well. ****ed up again

I know you want to be there for him as much as you can, but you don't always have to be someones support. Sometimes we need to think of ourselves, I know you probaly feel selfish to do this but trust me it isn't. Your not coping at the moment so you need to look after yourself first before you can even think about supporting someone else. Its not true that he would be better off without you, neither would anyone else. Take care of yourself and i am here if you ever need to talk.
Kat xxx

Thanks Kat. We've made up, both cried, both said sorry so all's well between us. I really need to cut though. Trouble is, we have a system so he knows if I take my blades to the bathroom. Which is good, but I could really use it right now and I can't do it. I have to go back to the doctor next week so we'll see what he says, but I think I've been struggling the past couple of months. Took a few (only a few) too many codeine tablets and some alcohol to try and make me sleep, and ended up having paramedics called by my boyfriend. You know how everyone thinks you're fine but really you're falling apart at the seams...

*Massive huggles*
Glad you were able to make up, its good you have that system in place and are able to be supportive of each other. Did they offer you only support when the paramedics came? Hang in there, I'm here if you ever need to talk. Take care
Kat xxx

Well said Kat!