The First Birthday
 

It was a year ago today, that my two twin boys were born. I was in Labour for 10 hours, and at the end, was the pay off of two beautiful boys.
Damien James Christopher.
William Mark Joseph.

Thought complications were seen imediantly. I was never able to hold Damien, for he was taken out of the room before I could even logically think. His heart hadn't formed properally, and was placed straight into intensive care.

William, had breathing problems and when he could do it himself, he wasn't getting enough oxygen.


For this entire year, I have blamed myself. I was an addict, who seeked help too late. (I entered a rehab center while I was only 4 months pregnant. Even through the 21 day program, I had been in a denial of even being pregnant.)

Well, fate took them, on the 11th of this month. Damien pasted in the morning on that day at 9:13am. I remember, being able to feed William when it happened, and the shock hitting me so deeply. I didn't completely understand everything the doctors had been telling me; their words were outrageous in my mind, that i had closed off.

William, who had developed a type of phemonia, fought what he could, but he wasn't enough for it. His lungs weren't holding up, and after doing as much as everyone could, he finally pasted away at 8:07pm that night.


Today, their father and I celebrate the birthday. With watering eyes and distant thoughts. They weren't his of seed, but of his love. José is my dearest friend and love, whom was there for the pregnancy every step of the way. Finally in the end, I realized he had been more of a father than anyone. Naming William after him (Joseph), we have always referred to them as our children.

After the deaths, I went into a state of wishing only to forget. Denying all i could to myself, to force the pain to leave me. It didn't work, and only did I become hollowed out in the end.

i don't share this story with many, but for their memory, I thought bringing their names back to life, is the best I can do.

Happy Birthday to both of my boys. I hope where they are now, is truly a "better place."

I'm so sorry, sweetheart. I'm so sorry. God, what a ****ing awful thing to go through. I'm so sorry.

Hi, first of all I am really sorry for your loss. Last year I lost three children. Two twins (Megan-Florence and Anime; born seperately - which before you wonder is actually possible) and Grace, born on christmas day 2006.

I am not sure about how I go about telling people of another possibly helpful site (that is for miscarriage and stillbirth or infant loss grief and support) so I am going to try to find out from admin tonight.

I'll post again soon, and you are kept in my thoughts.

Thank-you very much, and im also sorry for your loss. It's the toughest thing that I think I have lived through. So much confusion and heart ache that followed the event.
Hopefully we will sit and talk sometime.

Blessed Be

yours is a loss i just cant imagine. but, my heart aches to hear of it. i, i wish there was something i could do to help, i truly do.
you are in my thoughts

there are no words, but you're in my thoughts as well.
your strength is truely amazing, though it may not always feel that way.
take care
xemily

I wish I could say something to ease your pain, but I know no words can.

I have also lost children

email or pm me anytime you want to talk to,
Rainbow Angel is right, there are some great sites to help

*hugs and a shoulder to cry on*

Being around people who understand it, lived it, and just throughly care makes it much easier than what it was. I tried therapy for a while, but it just wasn't getting me anywhere. Knowing that many of you, have felt this same type of pain, gives me much more hope of surviving though each new day.

I thank you all very much. And I am also around if anybody wants to talk. I find it better knowing all of us aren't alone.



Blessed Be

Have you ever considered attending support groups? It could really help you :)

Me small town doesn't have any offers like that. We have a crisis center, but it only has one or two workers, and a mental health office, where the professionals aren't always the best.

ah, ok. heh, after what i went through, i had support groups offered to me left right and centre. but then, i live in a city, so, yeah.
im glad here has helped somewhat though.
all the best

Hi, I wanted to check that I could post this link, and it is fine. Its a site I created to support those affected by miscarriage, stillbirth and infant loss, and raise awareness.

It also has a memorial book, and we're holding a balloon release later this year; I don't know how to create hyperlinks so I'll just let you copy and paste it *hugs*

http://angel-babies.wetpaint.com

nb, there is no "www" for the site.

Hope its of some use, *hugs more*