Need some advice
 

Hi,

Sorry for the post because I am not really sure what I need advice on. I went a year without cutting then started again for a 2 week period. I then stopped after telling my mum. However yesterday and today got too much. The urges just build up then you just blow.

A year ago I also OD, that has never left me, each week I have thoughts about doing the same again. Yesterday and today I couldnt stop looking at information on OD, what is dangerous etc.

I couldnt get it out of my head and I wanted to do was self-harm and I gave in. My mum is going to be dissapointed when she finds out. I feel confused because I want to see what I have done I dont want it to heal. I feel useless/lost when it is healing. I havent told anyone that because I dont want to sound stupid. It is almost like I want to self-harm because it makes me feel better.

I guess I just want to talk to someone that understands what I am saying. I dont get time to talk about it in therapy because that is for other things.

Thanks H

I understand exactly how you feel because I have had that happen at a similar time mark. Don't worry, you're not alone nor are you stupid, useless....anything, really. You're going to be fine. Congratulations on making it so far, by the way, that is really something you should be proud of.

Everyone makes mistakes, and thats all you did. You're just as free as you were when you had an unblemished year. Take care!

i understand that feeling completely. congrats for making it so long without cutting thats a really big acheivement and something to be proud of. it has been similar for me i stopped cutting for just under a year then everything just started to really get to me for no apparent reason and i started cutting again. its a relapse you are going through and alot of people who have stopped si have a relapse at some point. its really good though that you are letting your mum in its a really positive step into getting better.
as for the not wanting it to heal part i get you on that i feel like i dont want my cuts to heal but they disgust me to look at and think about, yet i think i dont want them to heal because i want someone to notice something is wrong

well done for going a year without self harming that is a really big achievment. Everybody has relapses and that is what you are having right now.

if you need to talk feel free to pm me.

gill:-D