Useless *ED/SI trigger*
 

Sorry about this guys. I just need some support I think =/. Hell, I don't know what I need.

He saw the new photos.
He said I looked 'better'.
Better? Better isn't good. Better isn't pretty. Better means I can keep improving.
Better was a 20lb loss.
I want to be more than better.
I want to loose more. Loose faster.
Maybe if I loose faster Sam will say I look good. Not just better.
I need to be thin.
Then maybe Joe will take a second look at me.
Maybe he'll tear his eyes off my best friend. My perfect best friend with her perfect size six figure and perfect curves and perfect face.
Maybe he'll like me.
Oh god. I'm such a terrible friend. I'm jealous of her!
All this to top off what happened the night before.
A friend of mine cut herself.
It's all my fault. Where else would she get the idea from? She doesn't know anyone else who does it.
I can't even help her. I'm not supposed to know. She didn't tell me, someone else did in confidence.
So now all I have to do is sit here feeling guilty. A guilty disgusting fat blob.
Useless.

Why do you feel you have to be perfect? What is perfect anyway?

I need to be perfect for anyone to even take a second look at me.
Perfect thin body.
Perfect curves.
Eugh.

Loosing more, faster, will kill you. Being thin, perfect or whatever you call it, does not bring true happiness. If guys can't see how beautiful you are now, inside and out, that is their loss. Not all guys are interested in thin girls, and if a guy wants you to change who you are, I don't think they're worth being with personally. You should be with someone who loves you for you.
It wasn't your fault that you're friend hurt herself. Obviously she has had some problem for a bit now. I think maybe if you could try talk to her, because you've been through it you might be able to really help her out a bit. You could show her RYL if you felt comfortable with that too.
You're not useless
*squishes*

perfect isnt thin, thin isnt perfect
you have to realise people can be big and beautiful, no matter what your size you can be beautiful. Im sure your think enough already if youve een losing weight please take care you dont want to end up painfully thin it looks unhealthy, much love xx

If a guy doesn't think you're beautiful because of your weight, he doesn't deserve you. Perfect isn't thin... and no one's perfect anyway.

It's not your fault that your friend cut herself. It's her decision, even if she got the idea from you. Maybe you could talk about RYL in front of her, so she may come join us? You are definitely not useless. Useless would mean that you weren't even concerned about her- you obviously care and you're doing what you can.

take care
*cuddles*

i love you Katie,, it will be okay honey *kisses*

i am always here if you want to talk.

x x x

Thanks for all the replies guys.
I'm still on edge but I feel better.
I guess part of me knows that I shouldn't be so hung up on guys, and any guy who only wants me for my looks is stupid but I feel so lonely.

I'll try and talk about RYL around my friend, the only problem is that I'm not supposed to know she hurt herself. And really my friends all think I stopped SIing a while ago.