need? or just habit?
 

I scared myself the other day. Up until now SI has been a reflex action, an answer when things got too difficult to deal with or a distraction from emotional pain. This year has not been good so far. I'm now on day 2 without cutting (yay me!) but the worrying thing is this...
I went out for a few beers with a couple of mates the other night. Had a right laugh. Was a good night. I came home, wandered straight to the bathroom and cut like it was a normal part of my bedtime routine. I don't know why I did it. I'm now a little worried that it's gone too far. Even now I'm quite content but still thinking about cutting again.
Why???

You are not alone in this. I am the same way. I NEED it in one sense but it has become kind of a habit. It's the first thing I turn to when things get really hard which makes it seem like the thing to do every time any little thing is wrong. I hope that makes sense, today was a rough day!

I've been there. Even now its in the back of my head, even though I've had a pretty decent day. I think its because we are so used to it, that its always kind of there. Sometimes, I even think its the cause of me having a good day, you know? Because I do it sometimes? I know thats not true, but sometimes I think without it I get moody and cause my bad days. *hugs* Feel better hon. You can get through this.

i think about it everyday no matter how good or bad a day i am having and sometimes i hurt myself even though iam happy i dont know why