i think im starting to fall... maybe graphic
 

I AM still in group therapy, just once a week, the everyday 4 hours was too much to try at first..but i intend to do it after this program. If I can.
It would seem all is going so well for me; day 3 of antabuse (thank god for valium or this WD could be dreadful), 2nd week of therapy....
AND one of my goals for this week was to cvall our local addictions team and get hooked up with daytox...i'll take any extra jhelp i can get!
So why this incredible, near impossible urge to slice my wrist wide open?? I have numerous little (and one not so little) scars there already.
I cant find a "why" to it this time, just the urge tsaelf... and unfortunately i have the right tool, i knicked it form the docs office (i know iknow, it was awful to steal it). And it would be so easy...
It's not an attempt to die, nor for attention as i will not show anyone except hospital staff..so one bored uncaring person will know. I do NOT want attention for it.....so ...why...?????

I should be happy...
oh hell..who ****ing cares...
romp

LOVE YOU
Love through it all,
Rain

You're going through what is called a F***ing Growth Opportunity. There are growing pains that go with it. Don't expect to be happy right away or even make that a goal. Instead just see what you can learn about yourself. It's going to hurt a lot sometimes.

That's been my experience. I've been going through what is now a 16 month growing experience. I've been expressing my hatred of self on my skin. I know that when I SI, i'm getting too close to a drink. If I drink I doubt I'd be able to get sober again and I would die.

SIing is just a way to cover up and distract us from the pain.

Allow yourself to feel the hurt. You don't have to embrace it, but accept it and flow with it. You'll feel naked without the alcohol for a while. I have been where you are, detoxing from alcohol. You will get through this. You will be okay. You can learn that it's not just a matter of not drinking, it is a matter of not wanting or needing a drink.

Do what is front of you. Do the next indicated thing. Serenity and happiness will come in time. Don't worry about looking for it, it will come upon you when you don't expect it.

*Gives you a big empathetic cherishing hug*

Im lost for words at the moment, but know I care from the bottom of my heart.

Keep fighting it

Love Jade xxx