***adult*** its like all im good for is...
 

so.....im new/old here.......i was on the site like 2 1/2 years ago.....i couldnt even begin to remember my username from back then....anyways...

so im in love with my best friend. yea......that makes it sound simple. its not, however, simple at all. i hooked up with him a few times, gave him head, and made out A LOT. and i fell HARD for him. here comes the wringer....he has a fiance. he will never love me. period....EVER. it kills me. i see him a few times a week....we hook up occasionally...we talk, we laugh, we hug, we kiss, we joke, we complain.....were basically great friends.....but dear god i want to have his children. it will never happen. its all a sick fantasy i keep playing over and over in my head.....i feel sick when i think about how ill never be with him.

btw.....im a raging borderline so the abandonment and intense relationships are playing a huge part in this.

i do not however feel like cutting. i have not done it since january and i dont plan on doing it ever again.

Well to some extent I can relate-fallin' in love with best friends, isn't a good idea. Especially those with fiances.
This is going to hurt you more than help you-is there anyway you think you could cease contact with him? This doesn't look like it's going end well for you, or him. I know how it really hurts-the fact you can't be with-but, it'll get easier to accept with time, I promise

well.....after july im never going to see him again because hes becoming a cop and hes not going to have the time to see me......so i guess that settles it.........it hurts too much to not see him