disclosing to colleagues - UPDATED!!!!!
 

When I met with my manager before Christmas, we agreed I would give colleagues a brief outline of my 'condition' [her word, not mine] at the next team meeting.

I just emailed her about something else, and she reminded me about what we'd agreed, and that the team meeting is TOMORROW MORNING!!!! Help!

Seriously I am not ready. I just started back at therapy this morning after a 2 week break and I am just gathering myself and understandings back together...

I don't want to say too much.
And I don't want to be too vague.
I want to be honest. But not bare my soul.

I suppose all they need to know is that I

~ have periods of very low energy
~ am sensitive to my personal physical space and boundaries due to things that happened in my past. Perceived intrusions can make me frightened and agitated. That I'm working on my feelings with this and things are improving, I'm becoming calmer.
~ sometimes I need lots of space, and sometimes I need interaction.

?????

Ideas? Please!

wow, i think you're at least kinda lucky to have a manager that even remotely gives a ****! most would simply tell you to leave you issues at the door and get on with your job. but if you really don't think you are ready then you can always leave it til the next meeting, or the one after, sounds like she'd understand. and if you do tell them, then its a great big pat on the back for you for being so brave and honest! i don't know what else to say except that i wish you the very best of luck, whatever you decide x

That's so good that you have a manager that understands so much. I've never had that much support at work.
Sounds like you have good idea of what you do and don't want to disclose, i don't really know what else to suggest. Except that as seamonkey says if you don't feel you're ready can you leave it a little longer?
If you do decide to go ahead i wish you lots of luck and hope that it helps.

Maybe just briefly say that there are thing that you don't want to talk about but these things happen to me/make me feel like *insert list here* and it would be really great knowing that now you know how i feel, i could approach you when I feel i need support/company/interaction and also feel comfortable telling you that I need some space, knowing you'll not be offended.

something like that...?
mand x

OK for one the others have no right to know any sensitive personal details about you full stop!!! Your manager does not have the right to enforce that either.

So you dont have to worry bout anything too personal. They just want to knowhow it affects you at work and how others can perhaps help too knowing the things that can affect you.

So i thikn you have made a good start with your list. DO NOT GO INTO PERSONAL DETAILS.

I would say that you are finding this incredibly difficult and you would appreciate not being bombarded with questions afterwards. I think its a real positive to say that you are getting all the help you can to get thru this!!!

Regarding the personal space thing perhaps you could say that if you ask for space you are NOT being rude you are just trying to cope.

Its a tough one and tbh im really confident in groups like that and i would find this difficult too!

Im sure you will be great. Look back tonight at all the things you have achieved over the last two years. Take a deep breath, look right into your eyes in the mirror and say "I CAN DO THIS"


Ooohhh and set up a reward too for after regardless of how good/bad it goes. Like buying a book or something to reward for even attemting it in the firt place!!! Or maybe a nicehot choc and a huuuuge muffin. BUT REMEM?BER THE REWARD!!! Of course if its a large box of chocs then I WANT ONE!!!

Matthew xxx

If it was me, I'd be very clear and concise. State what the problem is and why you're telling them. Your list sounds great, theres no need to say very much, just be brief and honest. You'll be fine, good luck xxx

Thanks. :) I really appreciate your comments and support.

I've told my manager I don't mind questions, as long as they're not too 'intrusive'. And I have the right to say I don't feel it's right to answer that. Yes.

I feel very scared. But also very brave!

It's a bit of a full on week as I have the PMS clinic on Wednesday morning too!

I'm feeling a bit unsure of how to introduce/open it. I just don't want the words mental health problems etc used by anyone. Even me. I am fine to say illness or feelings. But that's as far as it's going.

what do you do that you feel like you need to tell them? my boss's boss knows about me but I won't tell anyone else!

My manager asked Occ. Health for suggestions of what to say to colleagues. OH didn't come up with any suggestions. So it has to come from me. They've seen ... me when it's got difficult, and have a right to know at least a little about what's going on. And also so they have a sense of what can help if I am having a bad time.

i hope the team meeting went ok *hugs*

How did it go?

It went well!

I'm not sure what else to say though. I remained calm and clear and in my adult state. My colleagues were very responsive. One even expressed her gratitude because she said it helped her understand, and now she understands.
I feel relived as it was like an unspoken secret that everyone knew about in some way, but noone spoke about [exactly like my family in my childhood....] I feel less alone. I feel more connected.
I was also clear that I wasn't going to tell them the name my illness might have, that that wouldn't help them, rather that what they needed to know was - what I listed yesterday.

im so so pleased it went well. been following this thread so just wanted to say i think you've done amazingly well :)

Eeee!! Katie!!

Well done m'dear. I'm well proud like.

Seriously, I'm glad it all went well and that they were so understanding. *Hugs*

I so pleased it went well for you!! Well done on being so brave :) :)

Excellent! You must be so proud of yourself! So glad it went well for you, now don't forget to reward yourself ! x

Coolies!!!

Did you treat yourself????

Katie I am sooo proud of you, I am glad it went well for you

Thank you!

I haven't treated myself yet. I want to get through the PMS clinic today first! Then I might just shop in Paddington station on the way home!

Well done Katie
Im so proud of you xx