I cant do this anymore
 

I just want to give up. Im so tired of the fight. I have no fight left in me. I just want it to be over. I just want to be dead. I was hoping my plane would crash when I went home for the holidays, but unfortunately, no such luck. I just cant fight this anymore. Something keeps telling me it will happen. That I am gonna kill myself, its just a matter of when. I have a plan and the means. I have everything I need to do it. All I want to do now is give in to it. Let it happen. Its gonna happen, why not now? I have nothing to live for except my best friend and family. And even so, I know they would be better off without me. So why am I still here? What am I fighting for? Why shouldnt I just give in? I cant do this anymore. I cant fight this anymore. I need to do it. I need to let it happen. I need to stop fighting.

sorry for the rant.

It's okay. I don't have any words of comfort to give, all I have are hugs and understanding. Please forgive me.

You are still here because you are strong. You are fighting because of your best friend, family and the possible future and happy times you will be getting rid of. And you shouldn't give in because you have been strong enough to resist so far, you would hurt loved ones and despite what you think I would bet MY LIFE that they would not agree they would be better off without you.

Life is like an ocean, sometimes the waves become too strong and we go under. It feels like we are drowning. But other times the waves will calm leaving us to enjoy the view.

Someone once told me that, and I believe in it. Take strength in the hope that things can get better and you can be happy.

I've just been through 15 very difficult months and I still am not having an easy time of things. My antidepressant meds were significantly changed and my psych/therapist is still fine tuning them. There were times over the summer that the only productive thing I could do was curl up in the easy chair and make a prayer shawl for myself which I wear as a way to hug and comfort myself. At other times I went to bed in the late afternoon because I couldn't face the rest of the day. I'd picked a method to suicide too.

A dear friend that I call my brother phoned me every day over the summer and still calls several times a week.

You will get through this. That's what I've just been through. Let me know how I can help.

*offers you some tissues and gives you a gentle cherishing hug.*

I think that is a wonderful messege, and something you need to take notice of. Life does feel terrible at the moment, but I think (and hope) that deep down you know that there could be a light at the end of the tunnel and that your family and best friend love you so very much.
I understand how hard it is to feel positive when everything seems like too much to bear, but you are a strong person who has turned for advice here - Showing us that you know there are reasons to live and seek help before comitting suicide.
Killing yourself would be the complete end. No hope of making it to be able to see what life can be like once the waves calm.
Please take care of yourself, and keep posting in here. xxx

just wanted to say thanks to all those who replied. i really appreciate it.

everyone has a purpose
and letting go of yours could be letting go of someone elses to.
there is soo much to live for
life has its lows
but thats why you need to stay up [ no i dont mean high like drugs]
i dont know you but im sure id like to
considering you jsut wrote somthing really passionatly.
but i love you regardless.
♥
stay strong
its worth fighting for;;

i hope you are doing better
you have a lot to fight for, though, we all do
don't give up now
when you are at the bottom it is so easy to see what you have and take it for granted but you have so so much, so many people in your life and you are so lucky for that. you must be a really special person to have so many people that love you
keep fighting
xxxooo