what is it about me?
 

i am a bad person, everytime someone tries to help me, my bad rubs off onto them. i have all these things going round and round in my head, and i am kinda getting to scared to tell anyone anything cos whenever i do something bad happens. and what if it rubs off onto my kids? why can't i just feel like a normal person? And when i walk down the street why does everyone look at me? can they see what sort of person i am?
Sorry, i just not in a good place and i feel like i want to cry, but i can't. i want it all to stop and go away, but it just keeps on going.
i am prolly not making any sense, i am sorry.

Cakey, you are actually quite lovely. I see that even if you do not.

You are not bad, and bad doesnt eminate from you. Honest.

*cuddles*

Angelcakes, you're not a bad person. If you think people are looking at you it is because you're beautiful.

Go ahead and cry. It will help you wash the emotional and spiritual poisons from your system.

Hugs

i want to cry but i can't, i don't know how. i have gone 17 days without cutting, i know i not gonna make it to 18, i am just such a failier, i let everyone down, and i don't think i am worth it anymore.*sigh*

Angelcakes - I dont believe that you are bad person, in my personal experience I started to tell myself that I was a bad person so many times over and over - I even came up with reasons why I was bad. So that you get to the point where you actually start to believe your own possibly misguided thought patterns. Now of course the easy answer is to say you need to change/modify these thoughts but of course that is far easier to say/type than to put into action. Perhaps the first step is to acknowledge that this is the message you are circulating in your mind? I know what you mean about the not telling anyone, for me I bottled it up for years and it slowly ate away at me - until a point where I actual reached out and asked for help - no one can make you get help it has to be your decision. I think that your kids will probably pick up onyour feelings and emotions and there is nothing you can do to stop this, but perhaps if you are able to talk to them (about feelings and emotions dependent on their ages etc) they may be able to help you be less concerned about this? Again though if you find it hard to discuss your feelings and emotions this could pass onto them - consider if your childhood was absent from these?

It is not wrong to want to cry - crying, laughing are all ways of releasing thoughts etc from our minds, but I believe the longer you hold onto and recirculate the bad thoughts the harder that loop is to break. I dont for one minute think you are not making sense there are probably many other people who feel exactly the same as you but may not have had the inner strength to recognise it.

Sorry this post is so long - PM me if it helps and I will see what else I can suggest?

Regards FORD

hope you're doing ok....*hugs*

Wow Angelcakes that is how I feel when Im out and about. Its nice to meet someone else that thinks the way I do.

I hardly go out because of what all the other people are saying about me. I hope in time I will be able to get out more but it hasnt worked so far.

Hope to see more of your postings

Jade xxx

thankyou all for being nice. i am really sorry. i let everyone down again as usual, just proves what sort of person i am. i spent so long fighting this, i can't fight it anymore, so i will just keep letting my kids down, my friends down, my bf down, everyone. i just wish i was a strong person, but i am not and i think it is too late for me to be anything different than this.