Going down,down,down...then crash.
 

this always happens. i have a few good months and it always comes back.
the nightmares, flashbacks. im having about 3 flashbacks a day now...and im so scared it will become worse.
i feel him all over me. i shower and shower but it doesnt help.
i can handle the physical pain after nightmares. its the reminders from what the nightmares were that i cant handle.
i just keep thinking of how to make it all go away.
but i cant leave my son or Kelly and her children.
i dont know how to live like this anymore.
i had become accustom to it for a while but then things got better.
thats the worst part of it all. it always comes back to haunt me.

What usually helps to safely ground you?

One thing my therapist suggests, and it really helps, is to rub my arms gently.

thank you Katie.
ive tried many grounding techniques.
i cant believe im going to admit this.....but the best thing for me is sucking my thumb.......

Honey, if that's what help, do it! If it's any consolation, I hug a stuffed butterfly.
*snuggles*
You've been through so much, I know, and you are so beautiful in spite of it.

I hug myself by wearing a prayer shawl that i made. If I need to cry at home I curl up with the stuffed pig doll my brother gave me. I call the pig Fred Fred after a story my brother tells. Your grounding technique sounds fine.
Rachel, are the flashbacks coming less frequently? Might that give you hope?

You're helping me so much, I wish there was more I could do to help you.

I have my special orange blanket and toy dog. :)

How's it going today, Rachel?

thanks all you guys.
i had 2 more flashbacks yesterday. then a nightmare last night. everything seems to be running together.....like my days and times. its hard to explain.

im trying hard and still havent harmed. Kelly is helping me so much. she's been here when ive had the flashbacks and when i "come back", she's always there holding onto me. that helps alot.

i havent seen my therapist in over 3 months....that may be the problem. im going to have to find another therapist here in this town because its too far to drive to my old one. i dread that because i hate having to start all over with new people.

anyhow....thats how things are for me today.
love to all.
xxxxxxxxx

thank you all.

:crying::crying::crying::crying:

today has been bad.
i just feel lonely and afraid and helpless.
i cant control the flashbacks.
and im so exhausted after they happen.
i feel like im a burden to Kelly.
i just dont know what to do.
im sorry.