Other people's scars?
 

At group today one of the girls rolled her sleeves up and i could see the scars on her arms and there were very few and they were superficial. Another girl also said she'd had them all down her arms this time last year and there are no scars left a year on and that let me feeling incrediably confused. My arms are layers thick with scars, some centimetres wide and always have gaping fresh cuts but I never look at my arms and tink 'oohhh that's bad' even though they made my girlfriend feel quite ill when she saw some of them, it never seems like much at all to me. Seeing these other girls who are struggling with SH confused me because i thought i was doing it pretty normally (as self harm goes) and now i'm just so confused. i dont know what i want out of this, just some reassurance i guess.

I know!
 

I completely understand!
my ex boyfriend was trying to go into competition with me once with it and he showed me his and there was hardly anything there and he saw mine and he was like...woah urs r bad and to be honest they arent because they may all have scarred, but therapists have called mine superficial cuts...what does this superficial mean then?
Hazel.xx

At the end of the day what does it matter how "bad" they are?

If they help you then it should never become a competition

I have friends who have been in hospital for their self harm and yet I would never try to compete with them over it

I do what I need to do to carry on

If people do less....so what?

If people do more...so what?

i wish i could think like you!

Tint that hard really :)

Superficial doesn't mean like fake-- it means you don't go past skin. You're not cutting muscle or anything.

Superficial means on the surface

But that is totally ok

You don't Want to do worse....I truly assure you....its no fun to have to go see professionals

I didnt mean i saw it like a competition at all. I was trying to say that it sort of shocked me that mine has gotten almost onto a different level to the same people i'm having therapy with (we al have other problems as well, obviously) and i had assumed that i was doing the same sort of thing as everyone else. But yet its still not bad enough and im just so confused.

That line scares me

Bad enough is YOUR deffinition....not down to other people

It will never be Enough

I know people who now keep a sewing kit with their first aid stuff after a harming session...

The longer you do it the progressively worse it gets....this is why you need to stop as soon as possible

Its good your getting help though....

the other day my friend said she was impressed with my scars, that hers were rather shallow and the scars faed to nothing after a year and that some effort must have really been put into them.
They are basically all red and raised hypertrophic scars which are visable and its only if you look close you notice my entire arm is covered with faint white scars from years ago.
I know mine are considered really bad by alot of standards, but I know its no where near seriously bad and there are loads of people out there doing alot worse, so I never really think about it. All that matters to me is my recovery

I understand the competition totally and I the whole thing of its not enough. But what gets to me is if i see someone with scars (esp someone i know) because I like to think - this is my thing and not anyone elses. I think i am quite twisted.

What Pauline said.
Wow, so if someone cuts are shallow compared to you, they're not REAL self harmers?... :S I know my cuts are quite severe, I know that as a fact, but that doesn't make me any less of a self harmer who just scratches their arm to get rid of stress, pressure, anger, raw emotion etc, self harm is self harm, everyone does it in a different way, if people can get the release off shallow cuts, that is bloody excellent, I wish I was in their shoes.

Some cut deep, some cut shallow. They sill cut though, it's all the same.

I never even implied that.

I guess recovery is all that matters, it just scared me that i hadnt realised how bad things have gotten. It's just crept up on me and i did not expect that i would get so emotional about other people's scars.

SI is SI no matter how deep or shallow it was it's still dangerous and unhealthy !
[hugs everyone]

this converstaion scares me

Seriously, if you SI you SI. Were all doing the same thing, and its a terrible thing to be caught up in. Everyone who does it has problems and it really shouldnt be a competition. Its not healthy at all to be here saying "Mine arent bad enough" and stuff like that, its just going to start competition and make everything worse.

xxx

This thread is starting to go in the wrong direction.

Anyone who hurts themselves, whether they are scratches or deeper wounds has got problems and the size and depth of their wounds is not a measure of the hurt and pain they are feeling. Self harm is a coping mechanism, it is something that is personal and not about competition. If you start competing with self harm then it is no longer about coping and therefore no longer suitable conversation for RYL. That said I can understand the feeling when you see other peoples scars and feel you aren't a proper self harmer but I think that is different from competing although my words aren't good enough to explain what.

Self harm, no matter what the method, no matter what the severity is a cry for help and an expression of pain, you should never think other peoples problems are less because there scars are not as deep.

Aimee
Forum Moderator.