the deaded trauma anniversary.
 

sorry i just don't know how i'm supposed to keep things going?

i am really struggling and i have a trauma anniversary coming up over Halloween/1st nov and everyone is celebrating and i just want to scream. i don't want to see another halloween thing again.

my health isn't great either and i keep having asthma attacks/hospital admissions.
i had one the other day and didn't do my inhaler for a long time because i honestly didn't care if i died. and i think that's bad but i don't what i'm supposed to do about it because i still feel suicidal as i do this time of year.

my meds have been upped and i was feeling better but since the last dose of lamotrigine has been upped i've suddenly felt worse again, i don't know if that's the anniversary coming or actually the meds as i read it can cause depressoin. i dunno. i'm rambling.

just had to get that out. thank you for reading and hearing me.

Sending love to you,

Low on words myself so sorry for not saying much <3

When is your next review/appointment with someone about everything going on? Do you have someone to talk to about it?

Thank you <3
i'm seeing my cpn tomorrow, but she's not that great. no idea how to explain anything.

I'm so sorry you're going through this. You always explain things well in written words, maybe you could write something for your CPN although I can relate to having a CPN who is not so good. How have you managed on previous years? Is there anything that helped or things you know you need to try and avoid as much as possible?

Thanks for replying and you kind words.


I don't know, I kind of just lock myself away which isn't ideal. I am getting a tattoo today to mark the 15 years since and they are flowers so trying to think about blooming and healing but its really difficult. I did tell my psychiatrist about the anniversary but I find it hard to talk to my CPN and she always comes to my house and I had kids around so :/

Maybe I will write it down and then no little ears are listening.

I hear how difficult it all is for you. You will get through this. It sounds good that you're getting a tattoo and what it represents for you and I can understand that it's hard to think about healing etc while you are in this head space. Was your psychiatrist helpful at all when you told them? Does your CPN have to come to your house or is there a way someone could look after your little ones and you could meet her in private?

thank you
i saw my cpn at the cmht yesterday as my other half had the day off so he had the littlest one and she told me to take my aripiprazole as i ran out but its not done anything and i took it yesterday
i dont know how long i am to wait

i might ring her today because it hasnt worked but i dont want to be annoying or sound stupid or something but i will try to as my other half is home at 1 and my nan is here at 11

sorry
thank you <3

My aripriprazole usually takes a good few days to kick back in
Persevere with it, you're doing well <3

Yeah it will probably take a bit of time to get back into your system properly but it's ok to reach out to your CPN any time you need to even just for a bit of reassurance.