Depression and self care
 

My mood has taken a nose dive recently and I’m finding self care very hard. I’m ashamed to say that I haven’t showered in 2 weeks and I know I should but it just feels like an insurmountable mountain. I’m not eating the right foods. My sleep pattern is out the window. Has anyone else felt this way and got through? If so how?

Sorry mods!!!
Thought I was posting in mh advice board, feel free to move

It is my experience that sometimes it passes on its own and other times it requires some help. Would you be okay with asking someone for help?? Don't know if you're on/have been on meds. It can be diffcult to tell if you need help as we often tend to downplay how bad it feels so just for safety reasons, i Think talking to someone might be a tough, but good, choice.
Also, about self care, i Think for now just Pick one single thing you¡d like to do better or do as carefree as youcould before. If you feel like showering is Way too overwhelming then maybe focus on something a little lighter. You say eating is hard too. Would it be possible to try to just eat one decent meal every day?? You don't have to cook it from scratch but just some food of a better quality?? Like, some good bread and toppings so you could make a nice sandwich??

Also, it is my experience that people Will often want to help if you tell them that you struggle a bit with various things. It might be feel embarrassing to ask or to say how you feel but generally, people are really cool and awesome about things.
One step at a time. Pick the thing that feels easiest to work on. Keep talking here. You don't have to be alone!!! Xx

I don’t know if this will help, but I’ve seen things where people have found things to help with self care that while not perfect, are better than not doing anything when depressed.

For example, using baby wipes to clean armpits, face, etc. just doing 1 load of washing, or febreezing clothes. Things like that to just help feel a little better. Could this be something you could explore?

Hey, I've moved your thread as requested :)

I can't really add to the outstanding advice above but wanted to say that you don't need to feel ashamed of being unable to shower, I think that's something that's quite common when really struggling! Sending my best wishes and I hope some of the advice above helps you to make a little bit of progress.

Do you know what it is that is stopping you showering? Is it dissociation, or lack of motivation, or mood or something else? I find when I'm dissociated or very distressed showering goes out the window and although I haven't gone long without showering I've found baby steps/breaking it down in the bathroom helps get me through the huge task. So if you don't feel like washing your hair at the present moment and just your body- you could do the essentials with body care and leave washing your hair until you find you can do it. It takes under 10 minutes to do a quick wash but at least that would be a step forward!

I find realising that I'm having difficulty with food makes me prepare for the worst- so in your case I'd make sure there were some easy to make food around like sandwiches, ready meals, frozen food you can just put in the oven etc. These, and fruits are great to get you through days where you feel eating is difficult.

As for sleeping, it sounds like you're going through a really tough time which is why the sleep is difficult. Can you nap in the day? Have you tried medication for sleep before?


Tbh when I find that I'm going toward a period of self-neglect, it's a sign I'm in a crisis and I know I need to reach out for more support. What support do you feel would help you?

I've been working with a coach for the last 7-8 months and this is the type of stuff we've worked on a lot. (Though in terms of it coming from an autism/adhd cause instead of depression)

Basically what we do is:
- determine whether the thing is an important thing or not
- if I do need to do it, try to identify what is stopping me from doing the thing
- brainstorm ways around it or to help make doing the thing easier or less stressful
- set a specific time/day or circumstances under which i will then attempt to do the thing
- if i am able to do it, timing how long it takes AND making a note of how I feel after both are helpful
- if i am unable to do it, just accepting that it didn't happen and making note again of what is getting in the way or what stopped me and not dwelling or beating myself up about it
- then meeting with our coach again and regrouping, trying to brainstorm new stuff, and going from there

While you obviously might not have a coach, it's something I'm sure we on here would be happy to help you with in terms of accountability and brainstorming ideas if you wanted.

Oh, and if I am unsure where to start or I feel too overwhelmed with so many things, we either decide on picking the one that seems the easiest to do, or the one that will provide the most feeling of relief to do. Sometimes we go with both that way if one does not feel doable the other one might.

Thank you all so much for the advice. I have read it and am processing it, I think you’re right and breaking it down to find reasons and small steps that are achievable will really help

When I have felt really bad and the thought of washing my hair is too much I have used dry shampoo instead of jumping in the shower. It felt easier plus you don't have to have the hassle of getting undressed. Maybe that's an option for you as nobody has mentioned it.

Maybe creating a smaller, more doable task first? Like instead of a whole shower, just try washing your face? Just being able to do small self-care could help you feel better and not overwhelmed.