TW: having trouble.
 

hello everyone,
i've been SH free for about 9 years or so now, but i can feel myself slipping into wanting to SH again, i have no family that cares at all, they just think my illnesses are faked, they're not.
I've tried explaining this and i get no help whatsoever.
my mum started having issues with MH last year and pretty much the whole family did things to help her which also made me feel more unwanted and miserable. i've been shielded because of one of my health conditions and was unable to help. now it would seem my mother thinks i'm lucifer himself and still none of the family ever call, text or contact me in any way whatsoever.
i guess i just don't fit into my family. all my mother will say to me on the phone is "i'm different" i don't know how she means that, whether it's an insult or not. :ermm:
i just literally feel my mental and physical health issues completely stopping my life even though i try so hard to not let them do that, i always am the one that ends up hurting, be that physical pain or mental pain or both, and i always seem to be in the wrong when i've done nothing wrong.
the SH and suicidal feelings have been creeping up on me again and i've tried all my usual approaches to trying to stop them but it's not working.
i can't call the samaritans because i'm literally so stressed out, my voice is gone.
ah just ignore me, i needed to let this out. hopefully it'll pass like it usually does and my MH will go back to, "still unsteady but managing"

Hi,

It's pretty fantastic to be self harm free for so long, and you should be very proud of yourself! Is seeking out some kind of professional support for both the mental and physical stuff an option?

Also re calling Samaritans, I know here in the US there are text crisis lines that exist. I wonder if those are an option where you live?

85258 shout text helpline i found them helpful there free too

Im just reading this today, I hope youre doing better, it's hard when you feel like an outsider in your family, but how you feel and the reality are often different, but at times of struggle that's hard to see. Lockdown has had a massive effect on everyone, do not think that just because we are all going through it means we all feel the same as that is not the case. Im sorry you feel that your mum is getting the family support you feel is not being shown to you. Maybe they see you as stronger. Stay strong in your mind and take each minute as it comes, then each hour l, each day each week. I hope you are doing better.

thank you, no things still haven't really improved, i'm trying to improve them but nothing seems to work.