How do YOU describe your Depression? *possibly triggering*
 

Hi,

I was wondering how people describe their depression to others and what kind of words and images or metaphor people use.

As we all know its terribly difficult to describe it to anyone and we all get faced with trying to explain it to others.


I often refer to mine as living under a heavy wet blanket. Like one of those old fashioned grey ones. Its cold and it weighs me down, restricts my movement. It blocks out the light and is generally unpleasant and uncomfortable.

I also often say to someone if they ask me what its like - to imagine their worst day, and then multiply it by 100 and relive that day over and over.

I use many more but they are usually the ones i often start with.

So how do you describe yours?

depression
 

sometimes its numbness, or nothingness, like im a zombie or dead. sometimes. i usually cant put it into words, i just know its a bad feeling.

often times I tell people to imagine what it is like after you loose a loved one but that sadness never ends and in my case i don’t know why most of the time for such feelings

and it never ends no matter what i do
i can do things to hold it off and have some fun
but every night

but if am lucky ill get by a night without the extreme late night depression

i have lost hope for a stable constant joy
i may have some nights of it
but 9 of 10 nights i get very depressed sometimes to the point of suicidal thinking
anyway
some people listen
some don’t
and some i don’t even bother with telling them anything for they would just judge me

i read a quote once somewhere that said:

"depression is a thief, a monster that steals the soul"

i feel that. it takes away my humanity. cold. lifeless. uncaring. dead.

It's like being in a coma. I can see and hear everything going on around me, but i can't communicate to anyone how i'm feeling, or that i'm feeling at all.

It is a shapeshifter.

A ghost. Being like a ghost. Tortured. Trapped.
Alone. Despairing. Lost. Cold. Hiding.

Sad. Numb. Burdened with anger I could not express.

The thing is, often in depression I abandon myself.

I see it as sort of an alter ego. There's a part of me that wants to get better and be happy and then there's the part that won't let that happen. The part that makes me shut myself in my room and never let anyone near me and forces me to do horrible things to be myself. And I hate that part, but I need it because it's the only one who is always there. Others will hurt me and leave me but this hurts me and stays. It congratulates me on skipping meals, shows me what's wrong with myself so I can make it better and lets me go for razor blades when it all gets too much. It's like a toxic friend you stay with because you can't image life with them.

it's like a sort of existance where you are just empty. nothing really matters. you are kind of just like an empty shell. you feel hollow and as if nothing is real. you can't really do anything, because you just don't care about anything

of course, none of my friends ever ask.

Stupid, I know, but I'm not depressed right now and feel like I never really was 'properly' but then when I am depressed I know it all too well.

Its dark, like living with shades on everything, if there is a bad thing I see that and nothing else, its like looking through some binoculars that prevent anything positive from being seen.

Also the word hopeless seems to roll over in my head, its all I feel and I dont see the future, I cant imagine anything in the future because it feels like I dont own a future. I cant see 'the future' as feasable.

Finally I feel so much more sensitive in every way imaginable, I feel the cold more, I feel tiredness all the time, the smallest thing upsets me, and throughs me down. Then some ******** (my mind) stops me from getting up because they say I should give up because its all I can do. I feel like I have an evil imposter in my head and they are torturing me with horrible thoughts and senarios. I see people die in front of me, but its my sick imagination torturing me. :(

x Marie x

I can relate so much to that. Thank you for describing it so eloquently.

Its pretty much what my therapist and I were talking about in today's session.

I'm not sure really. I'd say it's a bit like being on a broken rollercoaster that used to go up and down normally, and then it used to go either really really high, or really really low, with nowhere in between. And now it's just low, or really really low, and it can't seem to find its way back up again.
*shrugs*

its a person.
she's strangling me.
she pushes my head into the dirt.

Oooh first post on here but not really my first post, aaaanyway...

For me depression is a dark cloud that hangs over you constantly. Its there when you wake up, its there when you go to sleep. If your in a relatively happy situation it pushes you down and if you let it take over it releases its grip for a while. It controls me completely and i cant do anything without it bringing me down

I think I'm bipolar so I'd say it's up and down!

feels like drowning - now it feels normal - or maybe im just normal now, but of a blurry line between the two

I would describe my depressive episodes as like being surrounded by a thick grey cloud. It is so thick that I can't see the wood for the trees. Everything is just so dull and heavy. Life feels like a leech sucking all that is good and honest out of me.

I kinda say its like watching a movie and the movie keeps skipping (kinda jittering),
and there is no pillow to hide behind and nobody to protect you at the scary parts.

Like it's a black hole, and anything in and out of is is terrifying, sometimes thought I've described it like a whirpool which inexorably pulls me down into it, at the bottom is destruction but I haven't got enough strength to get out.

For me it's like having a very anaemic day. No energy, no motivation, no effort.

Of course, it doesn't help when I have an "anaemic day" and a "depressed day" at the same time.

Also, something that's always there, just sometimes it's more there than other times when I hardly notice it.

Zombie..I am..

Or I wish I could be. Mine is more of an endless slew of self destructive suicidal thoughts. Everybody's out to get me. I feel like a piece of *****. I can't cut deep enough and I want to get worse, to punish myself.