lost in recovery
 

hey, never posted on here before because i honestly didnt think id get to this point, its happened so quick that its a shock to the system...

the past few weeks ive been getting back intune with my faith and really relying and trusting on it to get me through tough times and it actually worked. I havent had a mood swing in over 2 weeks (i used to have anything from 6 a day upwards), ive thrown out all my 'tools' for cutting and ive laughed so much that i hardly recognise myself.

The problem is, is that i feel ive lost myself, im 23 and ive dealt with this for 10 years, depression, mood swings and unhealthy coping methods have become my life to the point where i dont know who i am without it.
I feel so ungrateful that im NOT happy to have it in the past, i miss it compeletly and i know its insane to think like this. Theres no drama in my life anymore its all calm and 'nice', i feel like im abandoning an old friend.

arghh and one almight MEH, lol please tell me that someone else had felt this way, i want to look forward and plan a future im just not adjusting to the change that well.

linz

Oh my god, I was totally just writing that down in my journal. Yes, I feel the same way.

i can really relate to how you feel. i am recovering from sh/ed and i sometimes feel like theres not much of me left without them...i feel like they are my only identity.
but i think its just an adjustment phase...its great that you are recovering, found your faith and feeling more positive. you will find yourself...a happier self:)and thats great, and you shouldnt feel afraid.
take care xxxxxxxxx

Hey Linz.

Isn't laughing great! And when you laugh so much that you tummy just hurts!! I love laughing that much =)

The nerves you are having about change, I don't think is anything to worry about. You are finding yourself in a place you haven't been for 10 years... that is bound to be daunting and dare I say it, you don't quite know how to be without the constraints of feeling so terrible.

Try not to worry about how you are supposed to be, or how you should be feeling/thinking and take it a day at a time. You can live life moment by moment now and it sounds as though you can enjoy that!!

This is new and scary but it isn't odd to be feeling the way you are... and you will adjust, don't you worry =)

Chloe xx

Hi there,

I can totally understand where you are coming from. I am first of all so pleased that you have reached this stage in your life where you are ready for a happy future. Although self harm and depression tends to grab hold of your life and take over... it is important to remember that it is not your WHOLE life. Perhaps writing down all the other aspects in your life... especially the good ones.... maybe even brain storming your own life... this should really help you to identify with who you truely are. Take care and I wish you the best of luck in the future.

Sophie.x

hey, thanks for all the replies :) things are starting to go good, for once im actually looking forward to christmas and not just for the food this year,
take care, linz

i could have written that myself hun
i know exactly how you feel about 'its like abandoning an old friend'
i havent cut in about 6 months, and often i really do feel lost without it, i feel like i miss it and it makes me sad when i think about not ever cutting again, i think one of the reasons i keep not cutting is because i know its not the end, i know ill cut again...which makes no sense!!
anyway, i know how you feel,
here to chat anytime
love lora xxx