Lack of sexualness *Sexual abuse related*
 

Not sure this should go here or abuse...but I am not really looking for Under 18 perspective...so here is the reason I ventured onto RYL again....

How do I regain my sexyness....
Just recently I seem to have come on with dealing with what happened but with it...I have all these new issues. I can't see mens magazines, sex scenes on the telly, sexual enduendos, my friends talking about sex. My boss has the sun delivered to work and the page 3 girl triggers me and makes me so so angry. Anything to do with sex makes me feel sick and degraded and angry. I used to be able to dress up sexy..now i feel to ashamed and like I am degradeing myself to do that. Sex with my boyfriend is hard i feel like such an unsexual person I barely have a sex drive and he is starting to notice. Sex embarreses me...it shouldn't and it didn't before. But it is now...

I went to a festival this weekend and watched all the pretty girls wounder round in the shorts and bikini tops and I was so envious becuause I can't do that. I would feel to ashamed and dirty....

I hate how sex has become this thing that I am somehow so against.
How do I regain my sexuality back...
I feel so abnormal being like this..

Jenna hi and welcome to vets.

Before you can make yourself feel sexy or dress sexy or act sexy or whatever it is you want, you are going to have to get help with your feelings towards sex. Theres no point in wanting to be sexy if these underlying problems and feelings arent addressed.

I dont know your story but im asuming you have been traumatised by something sexual. I do so hope you get the help you need with it. If you try to force the issue without dealing with the root cause i fear you will head for more pain.

If you have a therapist then work with them on this. If you dont then perhaps its time to look into getting some professional help.

Please take care. You WILL get there one day, its just going to take a little time before you do!

Matthew x

*echoes maff* some sort of counselling might help you. they can help to resolve the underlying issues and then start to work on your esteem. i would recommend going to your dr for a referral and taking it from there. some counsellors might let you do joint sessions with your boyfriend so he can understand your issues too and help you to overcome them. *big hugs* mand x

i agree that talking to a therapist might help if you aren't already

also at least in my opinion tight shirts and small skirts have nothing to do with sexyness - it's how you feel and how you carry yourself
a truly sexy person can exude that in long pants and a turtleneck
so forget your clothes and your makeup and all that and just focus on you and how you feel right now and feeling better

good luck xxxooo

Not to sound like a rediculous echo but a doc is really the best option. My boyfriend and I have considered going to one for our relationship because we both have problems sexually. That is the only thing we have been able to see as the answer because logically there is nothing wrong ...its just somewhere in the subconcious head that interferes with the body thing. Good luck with this. I don't feel like much help but it was all I could think of.

I can totally relate to this.

After some less than plesant sexual encounters of my own, I put on about 2 stone, because I didn't want anyone else to come near me in that way. I didn't want to have anything to do with sex related to me. I wasn't comfortable in my own skin, and to some extent, I'm still not. So you're not the only one who feels like this, and it's okay to feel like this.

What's not okay is to let it ruin your life, and if you let it go on unchecked that's what it'll end up doing. I agree that some sort of help is best - did you have any councelling after the actual event, or not at all? Or are you still getting it?

At the end of the day, sex & all things related to it can be derogetary, but it can also be quite empowering - it depends on the way it's presented, and the way you chose to enterpret it. Obviously, you can't help the way that it is presented to you - whether that's page 3 girls, inudeno or whatever, but you can help with the way that you enterpret it.

I think many people that chose to cover themselves up can be quite sexy, anyway. I think that if you're comfortable in your own skin then you just ooze sexiness, so I wonder if you have a low self esteem?

Sorry for the rambling, and I hope you can kind of make sense of what I've said.

Feel free to PM me if you want to talk about any of this in private.

Chelsea xxx

Councilling and me just dosn't work. I have tried it several times and I always get so stressed about it I stop going. I am too afraid of getting shunned or being told that I shouldn't feel the way I do. I have managed to pull myself out of the mess I was in by myself. I hate to admit that maybe I need help with this.

The "right" counsellor would never make you feel uncomfortable for the way you think or feel. They would also never shun you.

Finding the right one can be hard. It is however worth the effort.

sometimes it can take years to build up enough trust to just 'let go' in counselling. it is what you need to do though. let them in to help. both matt and i have had bad sexual experiences, but by taking things slowly, making sex a funny thing (we watched humerous shows like 'how not to make love' and 'sex with mum and dad' we find hilarious, also there's a show that records a couples love life and then they get sent on courses to make them better etc - we love that too.) we got used to each others bodies, took baths together, (or one at a time, but the other watched) we gave each other massages, we cuddled whilst watching tv, we blew raspberries on each other's worst feature (mine belly, his hips) we just took time to be comfortable naked, then progressed from there.

there is no rush for sexual contact, it came naturally for us in the end - but the first lusty times weren't so comfortable, if it doesnt happen naturally though, then take time and re-wind. *cuddles* mand x