Need help throwing away SI tool box
 

I've been harming for about 2 years now and I'm slowly trying to get rid of the tools I've used. I'm sure there's a few threads out there but mine is more specific - i think. I have a pot of the things I use, but I can't bring myself to throw it away. Not because I think I'll need it (I've decided to keep one sharp thing -not sure how detailed I can get on here- just for emergencies), but because I don't want to throw away the memories I have of opening that tub and using it. Good or bad memories, I still can't throw it away. I like looking at them. Please help me, I don't actually want them but... :ermm:

Have you thought rather than throwing it away locking it away such as a box within a box? Then making the key really hard to find? If say within 3 months you haven't gone back to it then you should throw it away in the bin.

Making the decision to throw away your tool kit is a big step and you should only do it when you are ready to let go. To me you don't sound ready to let go hence me saying that you should do it in stages.

I can understand where you are coming from. I was SH for 4 years then on and off for another 6 years. I knew it was stupid, but kept a couple bits from the early days. I told myself it was a safety net, but it always played on my mind that it was there ready and waiting. Which I found to relapse more easy. I kept the box, although I got rid of the contents, and replaced them with more positive things.

We are all different. We heal in different ways. But I found it to be such a relief to be rid of all my 'kit'. If you are continuously thinking about it being there, there is a subconscious need for 'just in case'. Which isn't helpful as I experienced.

As you said 'for emergencies'. Which is something you may want to put firmly in the past, the temptation may not be worthwhile.

All my best to you either way hun. PM me if you need.

Can you tell us more about these memories- why are you keen to hold on to them? Perhaps you could do something else if you feel like you want to remember- writing about it, even taking a photo of the tools if it means you'll then be able to throw them away.

You could maybe even create another box with soothing things in it, and gradually get rid of your tools until you only have the soothing box. I think a lot of us can understand how hard it is to get rid of tools, and there have been some good suggestions from people here. I hope you find something that works for you.

Lost in Dead ... is probably gone away from this forum, but anyway: I guess it's different, but for me cutting became such an identity thing. It's been and still is the only identity I'm dead sure of - as long as the evidence is there. So if the latest scares vanish proof is needed that it happened. I have no box but a well hidden file on my hard drive. As a security.