Stuck in limbo
 

I’m in a strange state of limbo and I’m struggling to cope, mentally and emotionally physically. All I can really do is just grit my teeth and power through but I’m exhausted.

My head is full of noise and static and things I can’t control. It’s a scary place right now. I feel trapped inside my body, to the point I want to tear my skin off. I feel like a cage animal. I’m tense and angry and poised to attack.

I’m in so much pain, I feel unwell. I feel like I’m going to be sick. I want to cry. I don’t know what to do.

Does anything soothe you at all? I'm sorry things are so intense and distressing for you at the moment.

I don’t know what to try. There’s so much noise I can’t think straight.

I’m in so much pain. I’m really struggling physically.
I feel so unwell and my painkillers aren’t helping. I’m scared. I don’t know what’s going on with my body. It hurts so much.

I don’t know what to do. I’m struggling to cope.

When you feel the pain? Do you think it had a physical or emotional cause, or both?

Like do you have pain when things are feeling good mentally?
Does feeling low and scared and anxious make your pain worse?
Can you ID particular areas of pain or is it all over?

I’ve had back, neck and knee pain for years. For the last year or two I’ve been struggling with pain in these areas as well as in my hips, wrists and hands. I am always in a various degree of pain despite my emotional state. When I’m struggling, it makes the pain in my neck and back worse because The muscles become tense. I think holding my son is putting a strain on my body. When he was first born it wasn’t too bad but he is becoming increasingly heavy and it’s becoming more of a struggle.

Have you had blood tests and scans and such?

I can imagine how hard it is holding a baby. I struggle holding the cat for too long, and that's nothing! You're doing really well.

Have you tried one of those hip rest things that are for people with bad backs? They go round like a belt and you but the baby resting under it's bum and it takes some of the weight. It might help to use it interchangably. Also, wrapping is supposed to be helpful. I don't know if you've considored that.

I can't do this. I'm breaking.

Who is in your corner? Who sees your struggle and can take steps to try and find what you need to help you through? You can do this, you are doing this, but I know it feels awful.

I feel like I've been screaming for help for such a long time and it's fallen on deaf ears. I feel suicidal, not because I want to die but because I feel trapped and can't see a way forward. My mind is so full of noise and chaos, I don't know how to escape.

Have you now been discharged? or have you got an appointment still coming up?

Love you. I’m sorry it’s like this. Xx

I've got one last appointment at the end of the month which is just a discharge meeting.

Love you too xx

Can I come to it? Xx

It’s honestly fine. They need me off their books, they can’t offer me the help I need and the services that should offer that kind of help have no funding or have said no. It’s pointless me being under the CMHT. I don’t find it helpful to keep being told there’s nothing they can do, it’s soul destroying.

I'm not sure how it would work, but could you get government funding to do it privately, because the NHS is unable to offer the treatment despite it being available? I'm sure I read something recently about this.

I have no idea how I would do that?

I had an assessment with a counselling service. I haven’t heard whether I’ve been aceepted or not yet. It’s just run of the mill counselling and I have to pay for it (I can’t really afford but I’m desperate).
I was looking up services available in my area to help with pain and there’s a pain management services at a nearby hospital so my wife said she’d help phone the GP tomorrow about a referral.

I really am trying.
I’m so very tired.

It’s what I’m doing, the cmht are paying for slam to assess me because they’ve run out of options (which I am incredibly grateful for.)

It’s not that they don’t have anything to offer, Peter offers emdr/trauma therapy. That would be the obvious next step - it’s long term and free. Please let me come and try and get you referred to him at least? You don’t have to be care coordinated etc to be referred.

Proud of you for looking st pain management. That’s a great idea. I know you’re trying so bloody hard. Let us try with you and hopefully make it easier in some way xx

To be honest I need a break from the services. I'm tired of battling with them. I'm tired of being past around and told there's nothing anyone can do.
Peter already assessed me and he was just as negative as everyone else. I don't have the emotional strength to go through it again right now. I'm too tired.

Okay chick <3. Sorry <3. How are you today

Hey,
How are you today. Did ypuanage to call the go regarding the pain? You can get accupuncture and gym referral on the NHS. I am in the process of starting at the pain clinic however my go got me referred to exercise on prescription where you get use the leisure centre close to you to then do exercise under supervision.