Can someone please help me adult *discusses wounds*
 

So around a week ago a self harmed via burning. I already had some semi healed ones and I did some more bigger ones. Anyway fast forward a week and one of them looked super angry and swollen and the tissue underneath was hard. So being sensible (eventually) I took myself off to see the nurse who informed me I had a raging infection and that I’d really made a mess of myself. So got antibiotics and went on my way. I’ve taken two so far but tonight the red, swollen hard area has doubled in size and some of the other wounds even the ones which are healing are now red and angry and swollen and hard.

Do I stick it out with the antibiotics in the hope they kick in ASAP? Do I wait till tomorrow and see how they’re doing and if they’re worse go get checked out or do I go try and get sorted tonight? I’ve only been on the tablets half a day but I’m now wondering if they’re going to be enough.

Can you phone 111? I know they won't be able to see the burn but maybe by your description they would be able to advise you on what to do.

Did you go get it checked in the end? How's it doing today?

I ended up falling asleep. It’s slightly less angry looking today so hopefully the antibiotics are kicking in.

So I stopped taking my meds somewhere close to a month ago. I felt like they were just paving over the cracks but the cracks were still there and I didn’t know what to do with myself. I just cried for the first time in ages and it felt like such a good release. I’m not sure why I’m writing this. Probably because I feel like my head is about to pop with emotions and I just need to express some stuff. Now the cracks are all open again but at least maybe I can deal with them rather than covering them up. Although I’m not entirely sure how. I’ve emailed mine to see if they can offer me anything. I guess I just need someone to talk to.

Oh and my wounds are almost healed thank fricking god.

I'm glad that your wounds are healing!

Does your doctor know about you stopping you medication?

We are hear to listen if it would help? X

*huge hugs* Please keep posting here if it helps to get things out. I think it would be a good idea to talk to your GP or someone if you can.

Do you ever just get an overwhelming feeling that you just have to die? Like when you have restless legs and you have to move them like you’re not in control of your legs. That’s how I feel about my ability to keep myself safe. I’m not in control. It’s like an itch o need to scratch. I think I’m quite unwell right now.

It does sound like you are quite unwell at the moment and I'm glad that you're able to identify that. I know you've mentioned elsewhere about not wanting to see MH services; can I ask why not?

Because last time when I needed to see them they wouldn’t and said I’d be better dealt with by my gp. At the time I could have really done with their support and I felt let down. I don’t know if I can deal with that level of rejection again right now. Before that the last time i dealt with the crisis team they put me in hospital. So I find it hard to trust them.

Oh and also because I’m scared and tired and can’t be dealing with more appointments and it’s harder to hibernate from everything with more people involved and if I see the CMHT I might have to come off the waiting list for EMDR. And also people will find out how bad things are and they might take m children.

Ah right, that's all understandable that you'd be struggling to trust them and it would probably not be best in the long run if you lost your place on the EMDR waiting list- is that something that could be clarified before you agree to anything?

Are you seeing your GP at the moment? I hope that at the very least you'll be getting some support from them.

Even if you're not willing to consider CMHT involvement at this point, is there anything that you think might help you?

You do so much Sam. I think any person would have points of being both physically and emotionally drained. Its hard to raise a family and to keep everyone else going. Its ok to realise that youre slipping under. but you cant just acknowledge that its happening and let it. Fight for yourself the way you would fight for your family. Tell people around you that you need help. or even just a bit of a brain rest. No man is an island and all that. Use the people that care about you so that you can start doing some self care.

❤️❤️❤️