Can you ever truly recover?
 

I feel like no matter what I do, I always come back. I brought my life to a great place and yet after years, a breakup made me fall again. And now over and over again, every several months I find myself doing it again. I saw my ex boyfriend with his new girlfriend at a party (a small private work party - dunno why he had to bring her) and somehow managed to get over it, danced, had fun, but the second I got home I lost control and cut again.
Here I am, in a great place in life with the best friends one could ask for, 25 years old and thought everything was behind me, again having to hide bandaids. I now have the worst scars I ever had and I don’t know what to do when summer comes (I live in a very hot country and often even during winter it’s weird to be wearing long sleeves).
Can this ever truly stop? Can you ever stop the desire and more importantly the action? I don’t want my life to look like this.

Yes you can, it's all about winning the battle with your subconscious.

It's so easy and almost natural to fall back to coping mechanisms you have used in the past, when new situations come up for you that you're having to find a way to cope with. I'm pretty sure that it is possible for there to come a point where you don't return to self harm, where something happens and you realise you have learned a different way of coping and use that instead of self harm. There's bound to be lots of moments in your life where you've been doing well but then something brings you down, it happens to us all. It's just about finding a safer coping mechanism that works for you. One that will leave you feeling better or at least managing to cope but without bringing the turmoil that knowing you have self harmed brings.

A slip up does not have to be a relapse. It sounds like you have made some really positive changes in your life. Maybe you could identify ways that were most helpful in making progress. I have found that there will always be some struggle but things get better and you have experienced this. I hope that you are feeling better soon and that you are kind to yourself.

Yes, it's possible. It takes time but it's possible. Don't beat yourself up over a slip up, better times will come. I suggest you visit the Veterans Board, a lot of inspirational stories there.

Have you created a distraction box? Perhaps have a list of things you could do when you feel like harming yourself, for example I do housework, boring mindless things around the house whenever i get the urge to hurt myself. As I know that I cannot concentrate on my studies or other projects when I am getting the urge or i focus my attention on boring things on my mac like sorting out my files, itunes music and do my updates on my mac.

I kind of feel like no matter what I'll always come back to self harm. And...i don't know. I feel like I'm okay with that. I don't know. I've been doing it for so long.