Giving up
 

So a month ago I was raped. Well I told my parents and they said that's what you for partying. I used to have depression but stopped taking medicine and I learned how to cope. But now its came back and its taken over my entire life. I am starting to self harm again because its the only things that eases the ache on my heart. I am constantly having anxiety attacks which is really hard while lifeguarding. I haven't slept for more than 3 hours a night since it happened. I am constantly having flashbacks and nightmares. I'm struggling to eat just the thought of food makes me nauseated. I'm constantly staying dizzy also well as headaches.

I'm so sorry you have been through such an awful experience and continue to suffer because of it. Your parents response wasn't very empathetic, have you spoken to anyone else? I think you need to reach out to someone you trust if you can. You have a lot going on. Keep posting here if it helps.

I have nobody I can trust around me. my mother wants me to move to ohio so I can get help there. but for now I'm stuck and afraid. I don't want to stop fighting but I am tired of struggling constantly

Would you be able to get back in touch with whoever prescribed your medication before? They might be able to suggest something useful, doesn't have to be medication based.

If I lived near them yes. I have moved across the state since then

Do you have a regular health care provider at all?

no I don't go to the doctor at all

Is it an option for you to get in contact with one?

no my dad and step mom don't believe in going to any type of medical professional

You mentioned earlier that your Mum wants you to move to Ohio so you can get help there, is she able to sort anything out for you?

the plan is for her to do my bedroom. while i am trying to pay for me a way to get down there

Are you still having a difficult time with your emotions? Is anything helping at all?

all i have is my dogs to help that's a safe way. i work so much which helps but I'm off for now

How long are you off for? Can you make plans to do something you might enjoy to keep you occupied?

till tomorrow and no because I'm not allowed to go anywhere. normally i would take my dogs and go hiking but its snowing

I hope you can find something to pass the time safely.

i going to try and sleep

Hope you slept well. How are things today?

Ok. I had to be at work at 4am so for now my mind is busy. But I get off at noon.

Sometimes keeping busy with work can be helpful too. How are you doing today? Do you have things to do?