3 relapses in 6 weeks *TRIGGER*
 

I was clean for 14 months before i relapsed and went to therapy the first time. I was so proud when i made to the year point last October. Therapy was going well and i was managing for the first time in a long time. I made it to the first week of May, almost 17 months and I fell apart again. I cut so much i ran out of room on my thighs and moved to my wrists. I relapsed again about two weeks later following a doctors appointment. I thought when i managed to make it through June that I might be able to actually make it a year again. But Sunday it happened again. I am so tired of this happening. I'm tired of things seeming like they are going okay and then in a flash i completely fall apart. Im still hiding the self harm but its becoming harder. And each time I come closer to contemplating just saying f**k it. I'm tired of feeling like this and I honestly don't know what to do. I spend most of my time supporting those around me in my family and friends I can't remember the last time I did any kind of self care. I'm doubting everything about myself

No matter how many times you relapse, it doesn't erase the amazing achievement of being clean for 14 months, and it doesn't cancel the fact that you've proven you can do it. You've done it once and eventually you can do it again. Maybe not right now, but you can. You should be proud of yourself and what you've done. You're saying that therapy was going well. What about now? Are you no longer in therapy, or is it just not helpful anymore?
I'm sorry you're struggling right now. But there must be something that helped you cope while you were clean. Lets think, what it was? Maybe it will help you with coping now. I'm sorry things are so difficult now. I know how much it sucks to fall back into your old habits, but you can eventually be clean again, I promise. You're fighting a tough battle and I understand that it is really exhausting, but try to just take it one step at a time. Maybe, identifying things that make you fall apart and relapse would help. Can you tell what exactly is triggering you and makes you go back to SH after being well for a while?
I would suggest talking to a professional. If you're still in therapy, your therapist might be a good choice, and if you're not, then there's always options to get back. And please, remember that you can't keep supporting other people when you're unwell. Firstly, you deserve to care for yourself first, and secondly - it just does no good to anyone if you run yourself into the ground supporting others. It's best for everyone involved if you get better before you try to support anybody else.